Watch Stephen Colbert’s hilarious take on GOP’s latest impeachment fail

The Republican Party’s attempted impeachment fiasco and beleaguered House Speaker Mike Johnson were the subjects of late-night talk show host Stephen Colbert’s opening monologue Wednesday night. Colbert observed that while the House Republicans targeting Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas “never identified a specific high crime or misdemeanor for the impeachment, which is usually kind of a thing,” the event was still historic.

It's only the second time in America that a Cabinet member has been impeached. The first was Secretary of War William Belknap back in 1876, which Congress accused of ‘prostituting his high office to his lust for private gain.’ 

[In Trump voice singing Bette Midler song] Did you ever know that you're my hero …

Colbert then laid it on thick, claiming that his entire show would be dedicated to covering the Senate’s impeachment trial of Mayorkas, before someone off camera told him the Senate immediately voted to dismiss the articles of impeachment. 

“That was quick,” said a stunned Colbert. “So, what do you guys want to talk about?”

Colbert then pivoted to the precarious position GOP Speaker Mike Johnson finds himself in, even though “they just got rid of the last guy six months ago.”

Republican speaker of the House has joined the list of least secure jobs, just below No. 2 leader of ISIS; World's Oldest Man; and Rupert Murdoch fiancée.

Colbert: Republican Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, seen here in his profile pic on HammerYourOwnPenis.com.

After playing a clip of Johnson telling Fox Business’ Maria Bartiromo that Trump is "100% with me," Colbert threw to a clip of Trump being asked whether he will support Johnson.

Trump: Well, we'll see what happens with that.

Colbert: That is a dose of classic Trump loyalty. He's got your back ... so he can push you under a bus.

Zachary Mueller is the senior research director for America’s Voice and America’s Voice Education Fund. He brings his expertise on immigration politics to talk about how much money the GOP is using to promote its racist immigration campaigns.

Marjorie Taylor Greene asks if Republicans are ‘being bribed’ to oppose impeachment

Marjorie Taylor Greene gave a doozy of an interview with right-wing podcast host Charlie Kirk on Wednesday to commiserate about House Republicans’ failed impeachment vote Tuesday of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. 

Greene has been big mad about the failed vote and, like many of her pro-impeachment colleagues, is looking for someone—anyone—to blame, including Democrats for trying “to throw us off on the numbers.” 

But Greene has plenty of disdain for the Republicans who voted against the bill too. When Kirk asked why Ken Buck of Colorado, Tom McClintock of California, and Mike Gallagher of Wisconsin voted against impeachment, Greene seemed flabbergasted—but didn’t rule out the possibility that “they’re being bribed.”

Kirk fed the Georgia congresswoman the utterly baseless idea, asking, “Do you think these people are being blackmailed by the intel agencies? They might have had relations with certain  people and pictures and compromised. Do you think that they're currently being blackmailed?”

And Greene took the bait.

You know, I have no proof of that, but again, I can't understand the vote. So, nothing surprises me in Washington, D.C. anymore, Charlie. Literally, nothing surprises me because—it doesn't make sense to anyone, right? Why would anyone vote no? Why would anyone protect Mayorkas unless they're being bribed, unless there's something going on, unless they're making a deal. You know, because you can't understand it. It makes no sense. And it's completely wrong to vote no on impeachment.

Greene also speculated that Buck, who is retiring, is “trying to get a job working for CNN like Adam Kinzinger.” She insisted that McClintock is clearly not a real “constitutionalist.” And after listing off all of Gallagher’s military intelligence and military bonafides, she concluded, “I can't understand why he made that vote. But he did.” 

Greene might not understand it, but that doesn’t mean these Republican congressmen haven’t been clear and open about their reasons for voting against the impeachment stunt. 

Gallagher explained his opposition in an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, titled “Why I Voted Against the Alejandro Mayorkas Impeachment.” 

“Creating a new, lower standard for impeachment, one without any clear limiting principle, wouldn’t secure the border or hold Mr. Biden accountable,” he wrote. “It would only pry open the Pandora’s box of perpetual impeachment.”

McClintock also explained his opposition in a speech on the House floor before Tuesday’s vote.

“Cabinet secretaries can't serve two masters. They can be impeached for committing a crime related to their office but not for carrying out presidential policy,” he said. “I'm afraid that stunts like this don't help."

On Wednesday, McClintock appeared on C-SPAN’s “Washington Journal” to again defend his vote, and responded to Greene saying McClintock needs to “read the room.

“I suggest she read the Constitution that she took an oath to support and defend,” he said. “That Constitution very clearly lays out the grounds for impeachment,” he said. “This dumbs down those grounds dramatically and would set a precedent that could be turned against the conservatives on the Supreme Court or a future Republican administration the moment the Democrats take control of the Congress.”

Nevertheless, Greene “can’t understand” why her Republican colleagues weren’t on board with her impeachment aspirations. It must be a conspiracy.  

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Instead of working on keeping government open, Marjorie Taylor Greene tries to impeach head of DHS

On Thursday, the Republican-led House decided that after having wasted weeks arguing about who should be their next speaker, they needed to take a nice long weekend. With eight days left to fund our government, the Republican Party still can’t get its act together long enough to pass anything.

Mere days before Veterans Day, while some House members used their time to commemorate U.S. veterans, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene stood up and spoke for a very long time—and introduced articles of impeachment against Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas for “high crimes and misdemeanors.”

This is nothing new for Greene, who has authored about a half-dozen articles of impeachment against Biden and others in his administration. On Tuesday, instead of working toward a Republican consensus to keep the government open, Greene passed an amendment to have Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg’s salary reduced to $1.

Greene is not alone. Targeting Mayorkas has been a way for conservatives to pretend the Biden administration has failed to secure America’s borders. Xenophobia and anti-immigrant sentiment appear to be the only things resembling policy for Republicans. The logic of how dismantling the U.S. government’s ability to operate will help improve … its operation … remains a mystery.

Did the Republicans vote on anything else?

Yesterday, 106 Republicans voted to eliminate all staff in the Office of the Vice President. Today, 165 Republicans voted to reduce the salary of the White House Press Secretary to $1 pic.twitter.com/o3pttAUr7w

— Jamie Dupree (@jamiedupree) November 9, 2023

With a Republican shutdown looming, the GOP seems able to produce only political theater aimed at hampering the government’s ability to serve the American people. This week’s election results suggest the American people have noticed.

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The band is back together, and it is a glorious day as Markos and Kerry’s hot takes over the past year came true—again! Republicans continue to lose at the ballot box and we are here for it!

Tense—or typical?—moment in House as MTG calls Boebert a ‘bitch’

It seems like only yesterday that Reps. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert were sharing the single incoherent view that they should be the only two lawmakers to vote against the Bone Marrow Bill. Since then, like the rest of the circular firing squad that is the Republican Party, Boebert and Greene’s relationship has deteriorated.

It’s being reported that the two right-wing extremists got into a fight on the House floor Wednesday, with sources telling The Daily Beast Greene was angry at Boebert for stealing her impeach Biden thunder. One source said they got into it, with Greene calling the Colorado gun-toting Republican a “bitch.” Another source said the phrase used by Greene was “a little bitch.” Potato, potahto …

The fight between the two is triangulated under Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who is reportedly none too happy with Boebert’s use of a privileged resolution for this bogus impeachment vote. Unlike Greene’s flotilla of impeachment articles against everybody, Boebert’s use of this procedural maneuver bypasses McCarthy’s authority. Instead it forces a vote within two days. Now the clock is ticking and the Yakety Sax music is playing.

RELATED STORY: McCarthy isn't happy with Boebert's impeachment shenanigans

Earlier this year, reports came out that the two congresswomen got into some kind of bathroom brawl connected to Boebert’s unwillingness to support McCarthy as speaker of the House. This kerfuffle came less than a month after Boebert told Turning Point founder Charlie Kirk she wasn’t aligned with everything Greene thought, such as “Russian space lasers, Jewish space lasers, and all of this.” Here was some of the discussion, captured by C SPAN cameras, on Wednesday.

Saw this conversation… not sure if it was a friendly one pic.twitter.com/tpz3z2Phtv

— Acyn (@Acyn) June 21, 2023

When asked to comment on the story, Greene told reporters, “I will not confirm or deny.” Boebert took a few seconds to try and be diplomatic before relenting and saying, “Yeah, I’m not in middle school.” In Boebert’s defense, her entire political party seems to act like it is.

The two congresswomen, who have made a career of sticking their feet in their mouths while attempting to attack others, fighting amongst themselves makes some kind of cosmic sense. It is just one small and tragically hilarious example of what the Republican Party now represents.

RELATED STORIES:

The stink behind the bathroom brawl between Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert

Obnoxious congresswoman from Georgia in public catfight with gun-toting rep from Colorado

Lauren Boebert tries to own the libs and ends up embarrassing herself

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene's committee debut was exactly as disgraceful as expected

Sex trafficking investigation seems to be hurting Rep. Matt Gaetz’s pocketbook

If you haven’t heard, Florida Man Rep. Matt Gaetz continues to be the focus of speculation that he has done some real dirtbag criminal stuff. Since one of his best buds, Joel Greenberg, has cut a plea deal with investigators, there have been numerous reports of witnesses who seem to say Mr. Gaetz has involved himself in human trafficking, sex with a minor, illegal drug use, and possible misuse of campaign funds. This is on top of completely unrelated reports that Rep. Gaetz has received dubious campaign donations from sketchy sources. 

In the meanwhile, Gaetz has alternately hidden from the public, and then burst back into the public on what can only be called political theater events. Along with Marjorie Taylor Greene, and other MAGA diehards who may be feeling the need to find a dictator who can pardon them in the future, Gaetz continues to promote the Trumpian Big Lie that our elections were stolen and that anyone investigating what happened on Jan. 6 is probably a part of the “deep state.”

These moves have seemed desperate attempts to both provide cover for what investigators may very well discover concerning a possible conspiracy to overturn the election results in 2020, and a way to fundraise for elected officials who have voted against every single piece of popular legislation that lands on their desks.

According to ABC News, Mr. Gaetz’s most recent campaign financial disclosures show that the suspected sex trafficker seems to be having a hard time keeping up the big fundraising numbers. In the final quarter of 2021, born-rich Gaetz reportedly pulled in just over $500,000 in donations—less than a third of what the Gaetz campaign was able to fundraise in the final quarter of 2020.

According to ABC, this diminishing return for the Gaetz campaign has been a pattern since Donald Trump lost the election, and certain GOP representatives decided to hitch their train to outright support of transplanting a fascist into power. This follows with how poorly Gaetz and fellow mad king cosplayer Marjorie Taylor Greene’s attempt at fundraising together has gone. Over the summer, the Daily Beast reported that the Gaetz/Greene “joint fundraising committee” were posting “a combined loss of $342,000.” Not to get wonky here, but that’s the opposite of fundraising.

The Daily Beast is now reporting that Gaetz’s legal costs, the costs he put toward paying PR firms to spin the ongoing sex and drug crimes investigations have left his Friends of Matt Gaetz campaign committee at an almost $100,000 net loss on the year. Gaetz told the Beast that he is the only Republican that doesn’t take “lobbyist or PAC money.”

This may be true [once again, see the strange money contributions story about Matt Gaetz]. It may also be true that the money Matt Gaetz has taken for his campaign was used both illegally and for illegal things. But kissing the ring of a wannabe dictator is also costly, according to the Daily Beast.

As is customary for MAGA fixtures like Gaetz, the campaign paid its tributes to Donald Trump, tithing more than $2,200 to Trump properties in 2021. More than half of it came during the final months—$729 on Nov. 2 for lodging at Mar-a-Lago, and $445 for a late-October meal at Trump International Hotel in D.C.

Recently Matt Gaetz’s ex-girlfriend reportedly reached an immunity deal with investigators in exchange for her cooperation in the investigation of the Florida official. Gaetz has steadfastly said that all reports of illegal activities on his part are lies, and that the investigation is a witch hunt of sorts. Does this sound familiar?

After hallway threats, Democratic congresswoman’s office moved away from QAnon congresswoman

Since Jan. 6, newly elected Democratic Rep. Cori Bush of Missouri has been one of the leaders calling for the ouster of all “Republican members of Congress who incited the white supremacist attempted coup.” One of the most prominent Republicans being referred to is Georgia millionaire and manic conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene. In recent days, more and more media outlets have become hip to how out-of-control, bananas scary Greene’s very recent history of delusional thinking is. On Friday, Rep. Bush turned to her Twitter account to share news of what sounds like another American’s unfortunate and frightening run-in with Greene, writing: “A maskless Marjorie Taylor Greene & her staff berated me in a hallway. She targeted me & others on social media. I'm moving my office away from hers for my team's safety. I've called for the expulsion of members who incited the insurrection from Day 1. Bring H.Res 25 to a vote.”

This comes a little over a week after Greene posted on Twitter that Rep. Bush needed to “denounce radical BLM violence and apologize to the McCloskey’s.” Funny story: The McCloskeys need no apologizing to, because they’re the assholes who stood in front of their St. Louis mansion threatening peaceful protesters with guns.* Greene posted a video she said proved that Bush berated her and not the other way around. In the video, Greene is talking directly into her phone, purportedly walking through the halls of the Capitol, with her “censored”-stenciled mask around her chin. Rep. Greene’s face is completely exposed as she breathily attempts to say she has denounced the Capitol insurrection and blame it on a few bad apples. At a point in the video, responding to someone telling her from down the hall to “follow the rules and put on a mask,” Rep. Greene turns, and does indeed put on her mask, while confusedly yelling back that “You know you shouldn’t bring COVID-19-positive members in here. Spreading COVID everywhere.”

To be clear, the only thing you hear what may or may not be Rep. Cori Bush saying to Greene is that she needs to follow the rules and put on her mask. And she says it once. It’s Greene’s staff that very quickly jumps to being Jesus on the cross, while suddenly having to put on their fucking masks like a bunch of boobs. According to CNBC, Reps. Bush and Greene have—or had—offices on the same floor of the Capitol. According to the news outlet, Speaker Nancy Pelosi has stepped in to reassign Bush’s office to another floor.

Rep. Greene’s continuing presence in the halls of the Capitol building is just another reminder, like Trump, of how bad a democracy can be when it is pumped full of swamp water and corruption.

A maskless Marjorie Taylor Greene & her staff berated me in a hallway. She targeted me & others on social media. I'm moving my office away from hers for my team's safety. I've called for the expulsion of members who incited the insurrection from Day 1. Bring H.Res 25 to a vote.

— Cori Bush (@CoriBush) January 29, 2021

The tweet below with the video attached provides a very succinct example of the cognitive disassociation people like Greene have when it comes to their actions and statements, and their perception of how reality works.

Rep. @CoriBush is the leader of the St. Louis Black Lives Matter terrorist mob who trespassed into a gated neighborhood to threaten the lives of the McCloskey’s. She is lying to you. She berated me. Maybe Rep. Bush didn’t realize I was live on video, but I have the receipts. https://t.co/CJjnI3ZTjC pic.twitter.com/ZMLGOGjxKw

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) January 29, 2021

Rep. Greene is as guilty as Trump and the rest of the Republicans who have promoted the evidence-free election fraud theories that, combined with Second Amendment paranoia and fear-driven racism, led to the general toxic and violent climate we find ourselves in today. The fact of the matter is that if Marjorie Taylor Greene had not been elected by a hoodwinked and gerrymandered GOP district, she’d likely be dealing with charges of breaking and entering of our nation’s Capitol building, like this Texas realtor.

*To be clear, if the BLM protesters were as scary and violent as people like Greene pretend, the McCloskeys and their two guns would not have been much of a match for the hundreds of marchers.