One of the former officials who testified in the impeachment hearings against Donald Trump has warned that Vladimir Putin has the US "exactly where he wants us".Speaking to CBS's 60 Minutes in her first major interview since her testimony last year, Fiona Hill said that while the Russians did not invent the divisions in US politics and society they knew how to exploit them.
Former Vice President Joe Biden’s Super Tuesday victories in 10 out of 14 state primaries caused shock waves not only in the United States, but in Russia. State media there have been confidently predicting the Democratic Party's nomination of Bernie Sanders, which would lead, they are sure, to the re-election of their favorite, President Donald J. Trump.Kremlin Media Still Like Bernie, ’Cause They Love TrumpJoe Biden’s win in South Carolina gave those Russian media pause, but his buoyant resurgence on Super Tuesday left the Kremlin’s mouthpieces nearly speechless. Reporting on the U.S. elections for Russian state TV channel Rossiya 24, Alyona Pivkina made a gesture of surprise and said: “Suddenly, Biden surged ahead.” The revelation was followed by an awkward moment of silence between Pivkina and the seemingly stunned host of the news broadcast.The pro-Kremlin newspaper Vzglyad complained that Biden “rose from the ashes like a phoenix,” prevailing “in spite of the corruption scandals” that have long been alleged and cultivated by the Russians—and the Republicans—concerning his son, Hunter, and his own activities in Ukraine. With notable irritation, Vzglyad griped about Joe Biden’s state primary victories in North Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Alabama, claiming that the pro-Biden votes in rural states were secured by “rednecks, who shoot skunks for fun, bowl, beat their wives and associate the word ‘socialist’ with the communist threat.” The newspaper bitterly surmised that through Biden’s anticipated nomination, the U.S. elites won yet another Cold War against socialism.Much like the Russians, Senate Republicans were caught off guard and visibly disappointed by Biden’s resurgence as the front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination. Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Lindsey Graham told CNN’s Manu Raju that Biden is “going to be tough” to beat, as opposed to the self-proclaimed socialist Sanders. According to The Hill, an unnamed Republican senator expressed his hope that the primary fight between Sanders and Biden would scar the Democratic Party, dragging into the Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, this July: “It doesn’t mean the Sanders folks all fall into line. They didn’t last time. He’s pretty out there.”Russian propagandists echoed that anticipation. Appearing on Rossiya 24, analyst Dmitry Drobnitsky predicted that in the event Sanders does not receive a nomination, street protests and violence will follow: “There will be unrest in Milwaukee… There will be a repeat of the 1968 Democratic Convention [riots] in Chicago.” Last year, Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report identified "dozens" of U.S. political rallies organized on social media by the Internet Research Agency (IRA), a Russian troll farm whose operatives were indicted for interfering with the 2016 U.S. presidential election. The Kremlin’s minions will most certainly amplify any efforts to cause public unrest and disrupt the Democratic convention, while also elevating the standard propaganda theme of “rigged elections.” Describing Biden’s re-established lead as “unexpected,” Russian state TV network Rossiya 24’s headline predicted that “the kompromat will determine the outcome of the elections.” Vladimir Vasiliev, a senior research fellow at the Institute for U.S. and Canadian Studies at the Russian Academy of Sciences, said: “Don’t forget that Ukraine is hanging around Biden’s neck, along with Burisma Holdings”—the energy company where Hunter Biden had a lucrative seat on the board.Moscow's repeated pitch on Russian-language state media for domestic consumption and for the sizable community of Russian speakers in the United States is that Joe Biden is damaged goods and Donald Trump is inevitably going to be re-elected. But the messaging doesn't stop there. The Kremlin's English-language media aim to influence Americans on their home turf. RT actively promotes conspiracy theories targeting Biden while lauding Trump’s efforts to “investigate” his leading political opponent. RT predicted that Trump will win a second term, claimed that Biden is “cognitively unraveling” and surmised that “allegations of corruption… are doing real damage to his presidential bid.” Vladimir Soloviev, who hosts an evening news show on the state TV network Rossiya 1, anticipated that Trump would promptly dredge up kompromat—compromising material—against Biden in order to undermine his candidacy. Soloviev suggested that the dismissal last week of Ukraine Prosecutor General Ruslan Ryaboshapka was directly tied to his decision not to pursue charges in cases related to Burisma Holdings.Discussing the reasons for Ryaboshapka's removal, the chairman of Ukraine’s ruling Servant of the People parliamentary faction, David Arakhamia, made no mention of any causes related to the Bidens. But Soloviev insinuated that Ryaboshapka's incoming replacement would pursue an investigation into Hunter Biden in order to please President Trump.Russian propagandists and U.S. Senate Republicans seem to be guided by a common belief—or perhaps a goal—that the outcome of the upcoming presidential elections in the United States will be artificially altered by continued pursuit of the proverbial “dirt” against Biden in Ukraine. Soloviev couldn’t hide his glee discussing the fact that one of the Republican senators who voted not to remove President Trump from office for withholding aid to Ukraine on condition it investigate Biden is now leading an investigation of the former vice president. Russian politician Sergey Stankevich asked Soloviev: “Have you heard the latest news? Senator Ron Johnson demanded and stepped out with an initiative to go to court in order to obtain a dossier on Hunter Biden.” Stankevich opined that the outcome of this investigation might determine the outcome of the election. Soloviev readily agreed and added: “Like I said from the very beginning, that’s also why Ryaboshapka is being removed.”Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Chairman Ron Johnson, a Wisconsin Republican, needed no special introduction on Russian state television. He was one of the Republican lawmakers who elected to celebrate the Fourth of July in Russia in 2018, where all of the GOP visitors agreed to meet with their Russian counterparts in a secret room. Photos, videos and news coverage of the unusual GOP pilgrimage were featured extensively by Russian state media. Upon Johnson's return to the United States, he called the U.S. sanctions against Russia “useless,” which garnered even more attention in the Russian media. In October of 2019, Johnson’s statements about his mistrust for the FBI and the CIA provided priceless propaganda for the Kremlin and were prominently aired on Russian state television.The record shows Johnson underwent a remarkable transformation with respect to the former vice president's activities in Ukraine, with Johnson’s views morphing only when Biden became a leading rival to the sitting president. In 2016, Johnson signed a letter urging Ukraine to make "reforms" in the office of Ukraine’s former prosecutor, Viktor Shokin. The United States and other Western nations publicly urged Ukraine to remove Shokin, who was widely criticized for turning a blind eye to corrupt practices. But come 2019, casting the facts aside during the impeachment proceedings, Johnson called for a review of whether former VP “improperly used his office” to have Shokin removed, and claimed to have no recollection of the 2016 letter he'd signed.On Wednesday, Johnson said he will likely release an interim report of his committee’s Biden probe within the next one to two months, openly hoping that voters will take the findings into account. Likewise, Russian political scientist Sergey Mikheyev predicted that Biden’s candidacy would be “drowned” by the Ukraine investigations. Read more at The Daily Beast.Get our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.
U.S. Rep. Elise Stefanik, a freshman congresswoman from New York state who drew national attention for defending President Trump during impeachment hearings on Capitol Hill, has become the latest victim of incivility against Republicans.
Donald Trump’s handling of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, aka the coronavirus, has been terrible. Meanwhile, the Republican Party has lined up behind him to turn the whole affair into a partisan one. The Trump administration’s basic incompetence and the damage caused by GOP policies of cutting the CDC’s funding aside, the partisanship and rhetoric coming from the Republican Party have dire consequences. They include slowing down the process of getting emergency funding and dragging down the speed and efficacy of testing and diagnosing the true nature of the problem. But the biggest problem is the disinformation that results from turning medical experts’ fears into political footballs.
At a South Carolina rally last week, President Trump claimed that COVID-19 was a “hoax” being perpetrated by the Democratic Party. He analogized it with the impeachment probes and the Mueller investigations into his administration. Forget about the fact that, like COVID-19, the facts of Trump’s corruption are scientifically proven. Even if you believe Trump did nothing wrong and the Democratic Party is just trying to relitigate the 2016 election, COVID-19 is a virus that even world leaders have caught and are suffering from. But how dumb is the racist death cult following Donald Trump?
CNN did a report on Trump’s misinformation and its consequences on the MAGA elite. The report included an interview from NBC where Trump supporters, possibly tailgating at some sporting event or waiting outside of a rally, told the reporter that COVID-19 isn’t worrying them because it isn’t real.
REPORTER: You don't believe coronavirus exists?
WOMAN: I don't.
REPORTER: So the two people who have been reported to have died from it in Washington state you don't trust that that's true?
WOMAN: I don't trust anything the democrats do or say.
The Centers for Disease Control already said in no uncertain terms that the coronavirus is not just real, it is in the United States. That means that this woman not only sticks to the most right-wing media outlets, she only pays attention to her television in the moments that Trump is talking.
The clip below made me wash my hands, and I haven’t even gone anywhere today.
Back in mid-June, acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney dared to cough during a press event, causing Donald Trump to fly into a rage and expel him from the room. Since then, Mulvaney did a ton of heavy-lifting in terms of using the Office of Management and Budget to direct his whole extortion of Ukraine for political dirt against Joe Biden scheme. Of course, Mulvaney also went live on national TV to tell Americans all about how Trump had … extorted Ukraine for political gain and, you know, “get over it.”
Now that impeachment is in the rear view, it’s unclear whether Trump is tossing Mulvaney for confessing to his crimes, or the coughing. Probably the coughing. In either case, Mulvaney is out as the White House chief of staff, and Republican Rep. Mark Meadows is coming in.
Trump made a point of using “acting” in describing Mulvaney’s position as he was tweeting him buh-bye, and he pointedly did not use that term in describing Meadows new role. So it seems likely that Trump is going to plunk Meadows in front of the Senate for an actual vote. Which is fine. Not only would Republicans give their blessing to a rock, or a rock with a Hitler mustache, the odds of Capitol Hill voting down one of their own is always remote.
Meadows has always earned high praise from Trump for the same reason that anyone does—he spends an inordinate amount of time praising Trump first. Not only was Meadows keep to repeating Republican talking points during the impeachment proceedings, he’s been right there for Trump on everything — including explaining how Trump’s response to the coronavirus is just so, so perfect.
It’s clear this switch has been in the works for at least a few weeks, as Meadows recently announced his mid-term retirement from the House at just the right moment to block out other candidates from filing and making it possible to fill his seat with a hand-picked successor. In the meantime, Mulvaney has been appointed as special envoy to Northern Ireland, which is … a nice distance to keep him from appearing on U.S. television. Presumably Mulvaney is also surrendering his role at the OMB, but whether Trump plans to fill that slot, or just reach into the national till with his own hands from now on, is unclear.
What is clear is that this is the absolutely perfect time to be making major changes to the top White House staff, because absolutely nothing important is happening. Oh, and as always, there is a tweet for this…
3 Chief of Staffs in less than 3 years of being President: Part of the reason why @BarackObama can't manage to pass his agenda.
Now that Joe Biden is headed toward the Democratic nomination for president, Republicans are reviving their efforts to smear him via his son, Hunter, and Hunter’s service on the board of Ukrainian energy company Burisma. Nothing untoward has ever been proved against Hunter, not even alleged (beyond generic) “corruption,” and the search for something untoward is all an effort to create this cycle’s version of “but her emails.”
Key to the Republican argument is the notion that the younger Biden had no qualifications for the job. “When speaking with ABC News about his qualifications to be on Burisma's board, Hunter Biden didn't point to any of the usual qualifications of a board member," Donald Trump lawyer Pam Bondi said at his impeachment trial. "Hunter Biden had no experience in natural gas, no experience in the energy sector, no experience with Ukrainian regulatory affairs. As far as we know, he doesn't speak Ukrainian."
Trump being Trump, he’s whittled all that down to the claim that Hunter Biden was appointed to the board because he “didn’t have a job.”
Since we’re going to be hearing about this nonstop for the next eight months (ugh), here’s the reality.
Hunter Biden is a graduate of Yale Law School, by far the best and most prestigious law school in the country (sorry, Harvard). Notes Trump fact-checker extraordinaire Daniel Dale, at the time that “Hunter Biden was appointed to the board of Burisma in 2014, he was a lawyer at the firm Boies Schiller Flexner, an adjunct professor at Georgetown University's foreign service program, chairman of the board of World Food Program USA, and chief executive officer and chairman of Rosemont Seneca Advisors, an investment advisory firm. He also served on other boards.”
Boies Schiller Flexner was founded by David Boies, the same Boies who defeated Microsoft in an antitrust case, who represented Al Gore in the 2000 election recount, and who successfully challenged California’s ban on gay marriage. (Also, the firm represents Harvey Weinstein, and Boies himself represented fraudulent firm Theranos, so … I’m not saying it’s all happy unicorns—I’m just reinforcing that it’s not some backwater ambulance-chasing firm. These are powerful heavy hitters.)
His teaching gig in Georgetown’s foreign service program, which is focused on international development, shows that Hunter did have expertise and an active interest in international relations and development. That makes sense, because World Food Program USA is focused on ending global hunger (and is currently raising money for relief efforts among Syrian refugees).
Rosemont Seneca was co-founded by Christopher Heinz, son of Teresa Heinz (of ketchup fame) and stepson of John Kerry. There’s little information about the firm online, but it looks like a garden-variety hedge fund. No one has alleged anything shady about it yet. But what it does show is that Biden had connections to the world of high finance that would be of interest to any conglomerate looking to raise capital and expand into new markets.
And by all indications, Hunter was an active member of the board of Rosemont Seneca, investigating possible expansion opportunities and connecting the company to legal and financial resources in the United States.
Was he on the board, likely, because of his last name? Probably. Was it a stupid idea to join such a board while his father was vice president? Of course. But no less stupid than pretty much everything the Trump children have done since their father entered the White House. Still, ugh. It sure would’ve been nice to head into the general election with a candidate unencumbered by such baggage.
We now get to spend the rest of the year playing the “both sides are corrupt” game, muddying the waters on an issue (corruption) we should own easily. But pretending that Hunter had zero qualifications for the job, or worse, had no job? It’s utter horseshit, and we should be very clear to call it out as such.
Republicans are going to believe whatever they want to believe. That’s the power of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. If Trump says it’s okay to go to work even when infected with COVID-19? Okay then! Mission accomplished. All is well.
But we should fight and make sure the traditional media doesn’t repeat those claims as fact. Because, like pretty much everything else that comes out of Trump’s mouth, it’s utter horseshit.
More change is afoot in the White House.President Trump announced Friday that retiring Rep. Mark Meadows (R-N.C.) will replace acting White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney in the role. Meadows is considered one of Trump's staunchest congressional allies.Mulvaney, who filled the acting role in January 2019, is being appointed as the U.S. special envoy to Northern Ireland. He will also shed his title as the director of the White House Office of Management and Budget, which he retained while serving as chief of staff. The acting director, Russ Vought, is expected to be nominated for the permanent position. Mulvaney's exit was anticipated as he fell out of Trump's favor a while ago, but advisers urged the president to keep him on until after his Senate impeachment trial in February, The New York Times reports.It's no surprise to see Meadows step into the void — he and Trump reportedly often speak over the phone early in the morning and late at night, and the president considers the congressman a loyal voice in what he sees as an ever more untrustworthy Republican House, The Washington Post reports. But not everyone thinks that's the case — multiple current and former Trump aides told the Post they believe Meadows often tells the president one thing while relaying a completely different message to Capitol Hill.Another longtime Trump adviser didn't have many reservations about Meadows' allegiance to the president, but the person is apparently worried Meadows doesn't have what it takes to keep the White House running smoothly as Trump begins to spend more time on the campaign trail this year.The choice does have its supporters, though. One senior administration official called Meadows a "savvy strategist" who is always thinking of "angles and approaches that others won't." Read more at The Washington Post.More stories from theweek.com Is coronavirus really a black swan event? 5 funny cartoons about Bernie Sanders' sudden campaign troubles China's coronavirus recovery is 'all fake,' whistleblowers and residents claim
President Donald Trump parted ways on Friday with acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney and replaced him with conservative lawmaker and close ally Mark Meadows, who was a strong Trump defender during the Democratic impeachment drive.
It's a horrendous look for Republicans, in the middle of a potential national epidemic and global pandemic, that their party and their White House are going to tell the Supreme Court this fall that the Affordable Care Act is unconstitutional and should be destroyed. So it's no great surprise that Republican senators who have to face voters in November don't want to talk about it.
Asked by The Hill about their position on this lawsuit, they dodged and weaved. Freshman Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst is going to have a hard time making this answer work for the next eight months: "I'm not saying whether I support it or not. It's in the hands of the Supreme Court now, so we'll see," she said. Maybe she feels the need to tread lightly here—she does have a primary opponent. He's just "some dude," but apparently Ernst still isn't willing to go out on any kind of limb by saying she thinks affordable health care for people is good.
Arizona's stand-in, Sen. Martha McSally, who is there by appointment filling the late John McCain's seat, is trying to use that hook from impeachment days—it's in the court now, it’s in a "judicial proceeding"—and she won't comment. As if the Supreme Court was hanging on the words of a fill-in senator it’s never heard of before to make its decision. That's about as pathetic a response as you can get. Even McSally's counterpart, the other just-filling-in-for-now senator, Kelly Loeffler from Georgia (who's only been there a couple of months), did better. Eventually. Stymied by the in-person question, she had her office follow up in an email. "Regardless of what the courts do or do not decide, there is no question Congress needs to address healthcare issues facing Americans," Loeffler's spokeswoman said, offering that the senator wants a bill that "lowers insurance costs" and "expands coverage options." Which the ACA does, of course, for most people. But she's new. How could she be expected to be prepared to speak intelligently about the one thing that has dominated electoral politics for 10 years?
Sen. Thom Tillis, a vulnerable Republican from North Carolina, also wouldn't defend the lawsuit or even give his position on it. "What I'm more focused on is how we get back to a rational discussion about protecting pre-existing conditions, the kinds of things that are potentially at risk that for the life of me I can't understand why anyone would be opposed to, providing some certainty by just voting those provisions into law independent of the lawsuit." None of us can understand why anyone would be opposed to protections for people with pre-existing conditions, so this legal challenge is kind of a mystery. Except for the part where Republican attorneys general and governors and the Republican president are saying they should be struck down by the court. That's something Tillis should have to answer for.
Steve Daines of Montana was nearly as bad as McSally. He just brushed the question off, saying, "We're going to be talking about a lot between now and next year." Which means nothing, considering they've been talking a lot about it for 10 years and have managed to do absolutely nothing. Well, not nothing, actually. Republicans held literally dozens of repeal votes in the House and also brought three lawsuits trying to destroy the law. Spoiler alert: They will not have a plan in 2021 if the Supreme Court invalidates the law. Perhaps the most pathetic of the lot is Colorado's Cory Gardner, who seems resigned to his losing fate and didn't even bother to respond to the question.
On the issue that flipped the House in 2018, and that is at the top of voters' minds in 2020, Senate Republicans still don't have any answers. But they've got several months to come up with something to say before the Supreme Court and the case are back in the news with the arguments in the case. Judging by past performance, they'll have nothing.
Cheers and Jeers is a tasty weekday word pie from the great state of Maine.
Late Night Snark: Super Bug and Super Tuesday Edition
"While clinical trials are underway, there's no treatment for the coronavirus at the moment, and a vaccine could take between a year and 18 months to develop. You may be wondering: how scared should you be? And the answer is, probably a bit. It's really about trying to strike a sensible balance. If you're drinking bleach to protect yourself right now, you should probably calm the fuck down. If you're, say, licking subway poles because you're certain nothing can hurt you, maybe don’t do that. You want to stay somewhere between those extremes: don’t be complacent, and don’t be a fucking idiot."
—John Oliver
"No Purell! I got a bottle of that junk, and on the label it says it kills 99.99 percent of germs. What happens to the top .01 percent? Why are we protecting them? I say enough with the potions. Just use good old-fashioned bar soap and scalding hot water!”
—Bernie Sanders (Larry David) at White House coronavirus briefing on SNL
Continued…
Late Night Snark, continued….
"By the way, Americans, stop making fun of the Chinese for this virus. I mean, sure, they might have some interesting choices in edible meats. But don’t act like Americans are any better. We just stopped eating Tide Pods like two years ago."
—Michael Che, SNL
"As a practical matter, until experts advise that this [coronavirus] threat is over, we should all be following some basic advice. First: don’t be racist. That's just good general advice, for now and for later."
—John Oliver
"Last night was Super Tuesday. And today for Mike Bloomberg it was Oh My God I Wasted Half A Billion Dollars Wednesday."
—Jimmy Fallon
� The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 6, 2020
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"Bloomberg isn't having the night he thought he paid for."
—MSNBC anchor Brian Williams on Super Tuesday night
"Sanders isn’t out of the race. He won a number of states, including Vermont, Colorado, and Utah. So at the very least we know he's a hit with snowboarders, snowboarders, and Mormon snowboarders."
—James Corden
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 6, 2020
Note: The crew at Netroots Nation has opened up the public voting phase for panels and workshops to be featured at this year's convention in Denver(August 13-15). "The ideas you submitted cover nearly every progressive issue," says goddess Mary Rickles, "From conversations on the November elections to sessions on climate change,electoral justice and more. And we received some solid training submissions that appeal to all experience levels."Click here to log in and vote on your favorite panels and trainings.You can vote for as many sessions as you like, but you only get one vote per session per day, and you can cast a vote every 24 hours. Voting ends at 11:59pm next Tuesday, March 10. Netroots Nation thanks you. I thank you. The pope blesses you (but only if you eat all your vegetables). —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
8 days ‘til they cut the cheese. [Falls down laughing.]
Days 'til the primaries in ID, MI, MS, MO, WA, & Democrats Abroad, and caucuses in ND: 4
Current preference among likely Democratic voters in Michigan who plan to vote for Biden and Sanders, respectively, in Tuesday's primary according to a post-SC primary poll byWDIV and the Detroit News: 29%, 23%
Percent of Democratic voters on Super Tuesday who identified as LGBTQ, per NBC News: 10%
Amount that Michael Bloomberg and Joe Biden, respectively, spent in Super Tuesday states: $198.4 million, $2.1 million
Minimum percent of domestic and international flights, respectively, that United plans to cancel next month due to the coronavirus outbreak: 10%, 20%
Number of rivets in the Eiffel Tower: 2,500,000
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In honor of International Women’s Day (Sunday), Eleanor and Fala...
“We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.”
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CHEERS to March madness. The Super Tuesday nuclear bomb that went off on—[checks notes]—Tuesday scrldemba (that's "scrambled" scrambled—Pulitzer-winning wordplay!) my brain. I've been frantically running around the neighborhood with tears in my eyes leaving flaming bags of poo on everyone's doorstep while yelling "What's happening?!!?!!" like the eldest daughter in Poltergeist. So while the Pulitzer committee is deliberating over "scrldemba" (the apex of my writing career, you'll agree) let's take a deep breath, put on some Kenny G, and take a mellow pause to get our bearings on what's happening in Primary Land:
Contests that have happened: IA, NH, NV, SC, ME, AL, OK, TN, MA, VT, TX, CA, MN, VA, NC, AR, UT, CO, American Samoa, Mars rovers.
Contests left: 32 states have yet to weigh in, along with the remaining territories, Americans Abroad, and, because of an archaic mechanism hidden deep in the primary rule book, Denmark.
That brings us all up to speed. Phew. Now I can go about my normal routine of leaving flaming bags of poo on my neighbors' doorsteps, but without all the obnoxious running and shouting.
P.S. Along with Will Rogers, Oklahoma’s finest:
Our work continues, the fight goes on, and big dreams never die. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. https://t.co/28kyKe777L
Nevertheless, she’ll persist. (I hear the view from the Senate majority leader’s office is lovely.)
JEERS to the Quack-in-Chief. Let's check in and see how Trump's latest roundtable discussion with doctors on the front lines in the management of the coronavirus situation is going:
"Can't you fight the coronavirus by rubbing it on your skin? I've heard that many times."
“I haven’t touched my face in weeks.”
—Actual quote by the guy seen here touching his face four days ago.
"But it doesn't really matter because the virus is all gone. There's, like, 15 cases, but those are going down very rapidly and beautifully."
[Doctors, giving up, crack open bottles of gin] "Whatever."
"And our magnificent troops are stringing barbed wire all around the viruses and they'll be sending them to Gitmo very, very soon, according to my generals."
[Doctors now passing around bongs] "Sure! Aye aye, Skipper!"
"And I've got Jared and Ivanka looking at this very, very closely, and they'll be ready to release their Coronavirusian peace plan in the next week, or two weeks, maybe sooner, we'll see what happens."
[Doctors now tapping each other's knees with rubber hammers to see whose kicks the highest] "And don’t forget Jim Bakker's Miracle Colloidal Silver Coronovirus Neutralizer! That'll do the trick, Bucky!"
"I have Mike Pence in the other room ordering a case of it now. Glad you thought of it. Of course, I thought of it first, but I'm glad you thought of it. It's good to be in synch during a real major national crisis that's also a hoax created by the Democrats."
[Drunk, stoned doctors now putting inflated rubber gloves over their heads] "God blesh da Unished Shtetts!"
If on the odd chance we end up emerging from the rubble, might I recommend a nice parliamentary system?
JEERS to an unsatisfactory conclusion. On March 6, 1857, the Supreme Court ruled in the Dred Scott case. Their brilliant conclusion: slaves aren’t citizens, according to their strict interpretation of the Constitution:
[I]n the opinion of the justices, black people were not considered citizens when the Constitution was drafted in 1787.
Three years ago the city of Baltimore tore down its statue of racist rat bastard Chief Justice Roger B. Taney.
According to [Chief Justice Roger] Taney, Dred Scott was the property of his owner, and property could not be taken from a person without due process of law.
In fact, there were free black citizens of the United States in 1787, but Taney and the other justices were attempting to halt further debate on the issue of slavery in the territories. The decision inflamed regional tensions, which burned for another four years before exploding into the Civil War.
Chief Justice Taney—with political pressure from none other than President Buchanan—thought the decision would settle the issue of slavery. I think enough time has passed that I can say with reasonable confidence: what a dope.
CHEERS (or, if you hate it, JEERS) to emerging from the dark times. I know, I know…for many of you Daylight Saving Time sucks. But up here in Maine where global warming is a hoax, it's a real shot in the arm to get that extra perceived hour of daylight, and well worth the excruciating childbirth-like pain of losing an hour of sleep. So here's the deal: make a note to turn your clocks ahead an hour Sunday morning. Or better yet, make a note to tell someone else in your house to do it because you're sick of always being the one who has to do it.
Wait—is the Capitol building getting stomped on by a giant orange Slinky?
As usual, Democrats on Capitol Hill will help their Republican colleagues set their pocket watches. If left to do it themselves, they won’t stop until they've turned 'em back fifty years.
CHEERS to Pa Bell. 144 years ago today, in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent—#174,465—for a new and exciting communications device, one of the features of which was the insertion of a diaphragm. Bell called it the telephone. Republicans, of course, called it a harlot.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Rumor has it there's stuff on TV this weekend and I guess I'll take them at their word.
After Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow do that thing they do tonight, Bill Maher's guests on Real Time are political scientist Rachel Bitecofer, actor Brian Cox, Ross Douthat of the NYT, The Atlantic writer Caitlin Flanagan, and Anthony Scaramucci. New home video releases include Mark Ruffalo going after Dupont in Dark Waters, and the hit W.W. II movie Midway. The NBA schedule is here and the NHL schedule is here. (I’m rooting for the Bruins to win the Stanley Cup this year, but only because I think the Teeth are gonna get knocked out early.) Daniel Craig, whose new James Bond movie just got moved from April to November, hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes: how climate change moved a Dutch skating competition to Austria. Marge realizes she's an internet addict on The Simpsons, and Peter starts coaching a minor-league baseball team on Family Guy. If you missed John Oliver's excellent segment on the coronavirus last week, you can watch it here. He's also got a new episode of Last Week Tonight Sunday at 11.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: NIAID director Dr. Anthony Fauci; Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan; Bernie Sanders.
Bernie blankets the Sunday shows this weekend.
This Week: Bernie Sanders; Ben “Dr. Stabby” Carson (if he can stay awake long enough).
Face the Nation: Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT); former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb; I’m shocked to learn Trump actually appointed a Surgeon General—Jerome Adams talks coronavirus Sunday.
CNN's State of the Union: Bernie Sanders. Surgeon General Jerome Adams.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: NIAID director Dr. Anthony Fauci; Bernie Sanders.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 6, 2010
CHEERS to the arrival of the banjo-strummin' cavalry. Always nice to have a living legend on your side in a labor dispute, and the latest to weigh in on the strange Madison times is a man who knows a thing or two about unions—folk singer Pete Seeger:
"Maybe the Republican governor, he's done us a favor by bringing the problem to national attention," the 91-year-old Seeger said in a telephone interview from his New York home.
Good ol’ Pete.
"It shows the whole country how much we need unions. We may end up thanking him." […]
Seeger, who's been singing since the Great Depression and released a record in 1942 titled "Talking Union," said he was following the issue in Wisconsin.
"Without collective bargaining rights we'd be right back to primitive times," Seeger said.
Upon hearing the news, Governor Scott Walker called Seeger's remarks outrageous and then drew a frowny face on his cave wall. [3/6/20 Update: I really miss Pete. I really don’t miss Scott.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the fairer equal sex. Sunday is International Women’s Day. I think I’ll do something extraordinary and just shut my pie hole and let them do the talking…
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal."
—Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Declaration of Rights and Sentiments (1845)
“It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union” ... “Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.”
—Susan B. Anthony
"There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish."
—Michelle Obama
“The word’s out: I’m a woman, and I’m going to have trouble backing off on that. I am what I am. I’ll go out and talk to people about what’s happening to their families, and when I do that, I’m a mother. I’m a grandmother.”
—Elizabeth Warren
"Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice, or representation."
—Abigail Adams
“As you know, there’s a difference in how some of our leadership talk about how we should handle all of this. They say, ‘Maxine, please don’t say impeachment anymore.’ And when they say that, I say impeachment, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment.”
—Rep. Maxine Waters
“At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else.”
—Shirley Chisholm
"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.”
—Maya Angelou
Organizers ask that you wear something purple Sunday. If, instead, you chose to mark the occasion by running around in a red MAGA hat, it’s no problem: please stay where you are and a complimentary purple nurple will be dispensed free of charge.
Oh, and As of today, there are only 300 days left in the year. Please plan your 2021 New Years resolutions accordingly. Who knows? Maybe humanity will defy the odds and make it that far. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
