Following her husband’s lead of threatening everyone with lawsuits, first lady Melania Trump is demanding that Hunter Biden retract his statement that accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein introduced her to Donald Trump. If he doesn’t, she’s going to sue him for over $1 billion because she has suffered “overwhelming financial and reputational harm” over the comments.
What reputation does Melania Trump think she has, anyway?
Hunter Biden’s short response to her threat was “Fuck that!” which he delivered during an interview with YouTuber Andrew Callaghan. But Hunter’s longer response is even more hilarious:
“If they want to sit down for a deposition and clarify the nature of the relationship between Jeffery Epstein, if the president and the first lady want to do that … I'm more than happy to provide them the platform to be able to do it,” he said.
Per the BBC, Melania Trump’s threat was delivered by Alejandro Brito, who represents Trump in his lawsuit against the Wall Street Journal and Trump’s frivolous lawsuits against media companies.
But she’s got a few problems here as far as trying to extract a billion dollars—or even any dollars—from Hunter Biden, the son of former President Joe Biden.
First, she doesn’t have the juice the president does. Donald Trump can leverage things like government approval of mergers. Melania Trump has no such direct leverage. What’s she going to do? Not invite him to be a volunteer to help decorate the White House for Christmas? No doubt Hunter Biden would be very sad not to have the opportunity to stroll among the blood-red trees that she thinks scream “Christmas!”
To be fair, Christmas decorations are very important for Melania Trump. But separating children from their parents, not so much. In a 2018 recording, she whined:
I’m working … my ass off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right? … Okay, and then I do it and I say that I’m working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, ‘Oh, what about the children that they were separated?’ Give me a fucking break.
Indeed, why should Melania Trump waste her beautiful mind worrying about the effects of her husband’s immigration policies? She has other important things to do! Maybe she could revive “Be Best”—her vague well-being campaign from Trump’s first term—and demand that Hunter “donate” the customary Trump bribe of $16 million to the effort.
These days, she is ostensibly keeping busy filming her Amazon documentary, focusing on her “day-to-day life, what I’m doing, what kind of responsibilities I have,” as she told “Fox & Friends” earlier this year. Honestly, it might be worth watching just to see what on earth she thinks are her responsibilities. Recall that the documentary is costing Amazon $40 million. Maybe she can threaten not to include Hunter in what is no doubt going to be a totally legit documentary and not just a payoff from Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos to the president’s family.

Or maybe she could just write another book about how hard this all is for her and then have a robot read it.
Melania Trump may not have paid much attention to the endless defamation lawsuits that Trump has filed, but you’ll note that most do not reach the discovery stage, thanks to the whole payoff thing. Trump is still dodging being deposed in his own lawsuit against niece Mary Trump. That’s why Hunter’s comments are so perfect. Lawsuits require discovery and depositions, not just waving around a letter demanding $1 billion. And we know full well that both Melania and Donald Trump do not want to talk about Epstein.
The second problem for Melania Trump is that Hunter Biden is only repeating things that have been reported in the media. It’s tough to make a defamation claim stick in that event. This isn’t a situation where Hunter popped off with something no one had ever heard.
Finally, it’s not clear that she realizes that Hunter honestly doesn’t have anything more to lose. He’s been dragged through criminal cases, and the House won’t stop investigating him. He doesn’t have a billion dollars, so good luck getting that.
In other words, bring it on, Melania. All you’ve really done is tee up a lawsuit that would require the deposition of your husband about Jeffrey Epstein. Masterful gambit, ma’am.