Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

A Few Words From the February Birthday Table

"It was immigration that taught us it does not matter where you came from, or who your parents were. What counts is who you are."

—Congresswoman Barbara Jordan

"I have said this before, and I will say it again: the vote is precious. It is almost sacred. It is the most powerful non-violent tool we have in a democracy."

—Congressman John Lewis

“If the misery of our poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.”

—Charles Darwin


Birthdays Cont’d...

"To me, the most important part of winning is joy. You can win without joy, but winning that’s joyless is like eating in a four-star restaurant when you’re not hungry. Joy is a current of energy in your body, like chlorophyll or sunlight, that fills you up and makes you naturally want to do your best."

—Bill Russell

"I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit." —Elizabeth Taylor

"The legitimate object of government is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done, but can not do at all, or can not so well do, for themselves, in their separate, and individual capacities."

—President Lincoln

"The life of a nation is secure only while the nation is honest, truthful, and virtuous."

—Frederick Douglass

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart."

—Erma Bombeck

"Guys, is this inauguration speech running too long? No? You sure? We're cool? Great. As I was saying…"

—President William Henry Harrison

And the classic:

“You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. That’s right—I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars per bullet. You know why? Cuz if a bullet costs five thousand dollars, there would be no more innocent bystanders.”

—Chris Rock

If you’re marking another year around the sun this month, Happy Birthday and many blessings on your camels—especially you lovable leap year babies. And now, our feature presentation...


Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 15, 2024

Note: Today’s note is in a minor key today. I'm feeling villainous.


By the Numbers:

9 days!!!

Days 'til we move our clocks forward: 24

Days 'til the Charity Chowder Cook-off in Mystic, Connecticut: 9

Annual inflation rate in December and January, respectively: 3.4%, 3.1%

Estimated portion of Americans over 75 who still work, up from 1-in-20 in 2012: 1-in-12

Number of Super Bowl LVIII viewers last Sunday, the largest TV audience since the moon landing: 123.4 million

Current score at Rotten Tomatoes for the new Marvel Universe movie Madame Web: 17%

Average number of times the human eye blinks in a year: 4,200,000


Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

Bush, Cheney and Co. will continue to play the patriotic bully card just as long as you let them.

I've said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were "German dogs." They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds. The MINUTE someone impugns your patriotism for opposing this [Iraq] war, turn on them like a snarling dog and explain what loving your country really means. That, or you could just piss on them elegantly, as Rep. John Murtha did. Or eviscerate them with wit (look up Mark Twain on the war in the Philippines). Or point out the latest in the endless "string of bad news."

Do not sit there cowering and pretending the only way to win is as Republican-lite. If the Washington-based party can't get up and fight, we'll find someone who can.

January, 2006


Puppy Pic of the Day: Dad's turn to babysit…


CHEERS to the usual drill. The special election in New York’s 3rd congressional district, where Tom Suozzi romped to a landslide win over all the Republicans’ hopes and dreams, is behind us. And that means it's time for the media to trot out…The Takeaways!!!  Let's Google and see how many they came up with this time:

The New York Times5 takeaways

NPR: 5 takeaways

The Cook Political Report: 4 takeaways

The Hill: 5 takeaways

The Washington Post3 takeaways

ABC News: 4 takeaways

NBC News: 5 takeaways

Politico: 6 takeaways

CNN: 5 takeaways

And so on and so forth. But one takeaway lords over all others: Dems rule, MAGAs drool.

JEERS to a master class in Wasting Everybody's Time 101. Having nothing better to do, the MAGA-brained leaders in the House set up a do-over vote to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas on charges of [TBA] and succeeded by one measly vote. And now, according to the rules…

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s office said in a statement, “The House impeachment managers will present the articles of impeachment to the Senate following the state work period [Feb. 26]. Senators will be sworn in as jurors in the trial the next day. Senate President Pro Tempore Patty Murray will preside.”

Way to go, Republicans. That'll really fill the potholes.

JEERS to incivility.  On this date in 1798, the House of Representatives was the site of the first congressional brawl, when much knocking of noggins occurred after a hurling of insults followed by Rep. Matthew Lyon (Democratic-Republican-VT) spitting in the face of Roger Griswold (Federalist-CT). Among the weapons that were wielded: fireplace tongs. Based on his expression, the guy recording the minutes just got tonged in the crotch...

And if you look toward the lower left corner, you’ll see a dog is present in the chamber. That would be Thaddeus T. Woofington from the great state of New York. He only lasted one term. Once he got tax cuts for the Wilson company passed, he spent the rest of his life working a cushy job at a pro-tennis-ball think tank. Crafty canine.







CHEERS to unleashing the romantic within. My credit card isn't happy with me this morning, because yesterday I went all-out for my sweetie Michael—doing fine after his emergency appendectomy last week—on Valentine's Day. First I gave him the latest miracle weight loss plan. Then I got him a box of Hair Club for Men and lifts for his shoes. Then a cordless nose-hair trimmer. And finally, new vacuum cleaner bags and a lifetime supply of Windex. I know you're jonesin' to know how much he loved them. I'm jonesin' to tell ya! And I'll be sure to let you know just as soon as he lets me out of this crawlspace. (Y'know, with a little ketchup these cockroaches wouldn't taste half bad...)

CHEERS to a life well lived. Three indispensable bills were introduced in 1964: me, a new civil rights act, and the inventor of Pop-Tarts. Sadly, this morning we note that one of them has suffered an irrevocable setback. Bill Post, the inventor of Pop-Tarts, has gone to the great toaster in the sky at 96:

By the age of 21, Post was the personnel manager of [Kellogg's] and worked in all aspects of the business, including sales and production. That’s when Kellogg’s executives approached him.

The height of human civilization.

The executives had an idea for something "like a piece of pie, the shape of a slice of bread, fork marks around the edge, two pieces of dough with some filling in" to put in a toaster. Post took the idea and turned it into a real product. […]

The Pop-Tarts debuted to the public in 1964 with four original flavors: strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon and apple-currant. The toaster pastry remains a favorite among customers 60 years later, with around three billion sold in 2022.

If you plan on going to his funeral, get to the church early. It's expected to be jam-packed.


Ten years ago in C&J: February 15, 2014

JEERS to today's least-surprising opening sentence in an environmental news story:

The natural gas system in the United States is leaking far more methane, a harmful greenhouse gas, into the air than official estimates say, according to research released Thursday.

The natural gas industry says it will make all the leaks go away by using a method they like to call disappearing all the research released Thursday.


And just one more…

JEERS to socialism. Makes me so mad! The government takes our hard-earned money and then turns around and "distributes" its services to everyone equally. Like, for example, how they build public streets and then "distribute" their use to the vehicles of all the unsuspecting drivers. Even worse, look at how they send out large trucks with attached blades to distribute “snowplowing services” to those streets. My god, where will it stop? Next thing you know, they'll be offering the public the right to distribute "names" to those plows, and ohhhhhh I wish I were joking…

Heckuva job, Minnesota. Or should we now start calling you…..Mini Moscow?

Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


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Cheers and Jeers: Monday

A Brief Calming Note to the MAGA Cult

We know you're all feeling scared, lost and traumatized by the appearance of Taylor Swift at a recent football game. God only knows what horrible, terrible, apocalyptic message she was sending as the signal beamed ominously into your—yes, your—living room.

But look on the bright side. It could’ve been drag queens. Or books on Black history. Or green M&Ms. Or electric stoves. Or Mr. Potato Heads. Or bamboo fibers. Or crates full of pronouns. Or abortion pills. Or immigrants. Or Disney characters. Or pamphlets on gun safety. Or vaccines. Or low-flow toilets. Or news about another military defeat for Russia. Or Dark Brandon’s Ray-Bans. Or Barbie. Or a robot shifty Adam Schiff. Or cancer-causing windmills. Or—trigger warning—a slate of not-fake electors!

But you can relax. I have it on good authority that the “Taylor Swift” you saw was just reincarnated JFK Jr. in Mike Lindell's host body dressed up like the pop singer, who was actually squirreled away at an undisclosed location by the Border convoy.

All is well. Enjoy your day, brave patriots. And, hey...keep it real.

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, February 5, 2024

Note: Wake us up like that again, humans—as you did Friday by grabbing us with work gloves and hoisting us over your heads in front of a rabid mob—and we'll gnaw certain body parts off and see you in court.  Thank you for your attention in this matter.

American Groundhog Legal Defense Fund


By the Numbers:

5 days!!!

Days 'til the start of the Chinese New Year (of the dragon): 5

Days 'til the Joriad™ North American Truffle Dog Championship in Eugene, Oregon: 5

Amount lost in the the Chinese stock market over the last three years: $6 trillion

Number of Teslas being recalled because the font on their warning lights are too small: 2.2 million

Years since Walmart opened a new store: 3

Months a pigeon was detained by India under suspicion it was a spy for China: 8

Age of actor Carl Weathers (Rocky, Predator, The Mandalorian) when he died Friday: 76


Puppy Pic of the Day: Kevin Costner reveals the new addition to his family…


CHEERS and JEERS to Monday morning in America. Here's what's going on as we celebrate the national holiday known as It's Not Actually A National Holiday Now Get Back To Work Day: the GOP-led House is doing whatever, the Senate is confirming judges and trying to pass immigration legislation, Pete Buttigieg is out filling potholes, racism is flourishing, inflation is dropping, Russia and the west are fighting a proxy war via Ukraine, whites are still projected to become the minority in the U.S. by 2045, there are ten people in space, we're still killing the planet, an apple a day helps control apple overpopulation, atmospheric rivers and the polar vortex are currently in charge of everything, and I just switched your Folgers Crystals with regular coffee. You are now up to date. One lump or two?

CHEERS to the jobs report of the century. They said it couldn’t be done. They said Joe Biden was washed up as a jobs creator. The best forecasters in the land predicted that America would lose 2.6 BILLION JOBS in January, followed by 100% inflation and $80 per gallon gas prices. The House MAGA cult was ready to add his failure to their articles of impeachment. The media licked its chops as it prepared to unleash its pre-written stories of ECONOMIC ARMAGEDDON. And then, at the stroke of 8:30 Friday morning, the Bureau of Labor Statistics delivered the news that 353,000 jobs had been created…

The headline jobs number in the January employment report was well above expectations, and November and December payrolls were revised up by 126,000 combined.  The participation rate was unchanged, the employment population ratio increased, and the unemployment rate was unchanged at 3.7%.

14.8 million new jobs. Unemployment below 4% for two full years. Wages, wealth, and employment are higher than before the pandemic. It’s called Bidenomics.

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 3, 2024


Construction employment increased 11 thousand and is now 522 thousand above the pre-pandemic level. Manufacturing employment increased 23 thousand jobs and is now 199 thousand above the pre-pandemic level.

A strong employment report.
It’s the 5th-longest job-creation streak since 1939. And suddenly the forecasters were silent. And Speaker Johnson quietly put the articles of impeachment away. And the networks were forced to devote 20 seconds to the excellent jobs report on the nightly news. And to all of their great disappointment, President Biden slept very well that night.
CHEERS to a profession full of highs and lows.  Speaking of forecasters, Happy Weatherpersons' Day!  After shoveling the snow off the Wikipedia page, I see that it "recognizes individuals in the fields of meteorology, weather forecasting and broadcast meteorology, as well as volunteer storm spotters and observers.  It is observed on the birthday of John Jeffries, one of the United States' first weather observers who took daily measurements starting in 1774."  Yes, it took our best scientific minds 250 years to build our modern forecasting tools, and You Tube mere minutes to assemble outtakes like this…


Forecasters predict National Weatherpersons' Day will blow over within the next few hours, followed by an 80 percent chance of lingering National Weatherpersons' Day hangovers.  Mostly among weatherpersons.




Monty doesn't know what to think about his new ear warmers. 🐴🧦😆#ViralHog #horses #funnyanimals

— ViralHog (@ViralHog) January 31, 2024




CHEERS to the Illinois governor who took on the Kansas general. Happy 124th birthday to Adlai Stevenson II He lost to Dwight Eisenhower in both 1952 and 1956.  (Then again, I think God herself would have, too.)  But as U.N. Ambassador he pleasantly surprised the Kennedy administration by giving the Russians hell during the Cuban missile crisis.  And he sure understood Republicans:

"A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation. "

Brother, you said a mouthful.

"I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them."

And I love this:

“We travel together, passengers on a little space ship, dependent on its vulnerable reserves of air and soil; all committed for our safety to its security and peace; preserved from annihilation only by the care, the work and, I will say, the love we give our fragile craft.

We cannot maintain it half fortunate, half miserable, half confident, half despairing, half slave to the ancient enemies of man, half free in a liberation of resources undreamed of until this day. No craft, no crew can travel with such vast contradictions. On their resolution depends the survival of us all.”

In other words: nice knowin' ya.

CHEERS to the weekend's Comeback Kid. Saturday night in South Carolina Joe Biden lorded over a Democratic primary landslide. Smothered the competition. Hocked the biggest loogie.  gave the biggest noogie. Administered the swirliest swirlie. Dealt it so powerfully that everybody smelt it. Performed the most painful purple nurple. And for his grand finale he reached into his competitors' chests, ripped out their still-beating hearts, and showed it to them. He then quietly put it back them their chest cavities and thanked god Dean Phillips and Marianne Williamson are sound sleepers. On to...where again?


Ten years ago in C&J: February 5, 2014

JEERS to the random mumblings of Governor Footinmouth.  Yesterday Maine got its annual "state of the state" address, those magical eight uninterrupted hours when our Teapublican governor, Paul LePage, rhetorically straggles through all the hard-line conservative talking points and then proclaims, "The state of our state is…meh, it's too good for you moochers, that's for sure."  The speech was punctuated by occasional smatterings of perfunctory applause.  But he did say one thing that earned him a well-deserved standing ovation.  I believe it was, "In conclusion..."


And just one more…

CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. Every time you go outside on a clear night you’re doing yourself a grave disservice if you don’t look up and nearly choke on your bong hit as you realize that the universe up there is pretty darn spectacular. The elves at NASA are aware of this, so they always let us in on the big celestial events for the month. Here’s a look at February’s sky-watching highlights, including Jupiter and the moon makin’ eyes at each other, and a spiral galaxy not unlike ours:


By the way, I hate to burst his bubble, but I know how the constellation Orion the hunter manages to look so svelte up there year after year: Spanx.

Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


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Ex-Trump Official Tells CNN Biden ‘Nailed’ It By Calling Bill in Portland Maine A ‘F**king A**hole’



Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Let’s Update the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board

It’s been awhile since we checked in on the fund set up by Daily Kos to help relief agencies in Ukraine.  With the twin threats of winter weather and Russia’s continued attacks on civilian centers making life hell, the need for basic survival essentials is still critical—thus the reason why our humble site reached out to critical relief groups that provide food, medical care, housing, education, financial aid, and animal rescue efforts. As we approach the third Christmas since the invasion began, here’s the current status of your generosity...


Not bad for a bunch of bloggers in their jammies, huh. If you'd like to add more support to the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Thanks for your ongoing support for Ukraine, which continues revealing Russia (and its MAGA stooges here in the States) for the incompetent, boozed-up sewer bully it is under Tsar Poopypants.

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Note: The Bill in Portland Maine Kiddie Pool series of non-fungible tokens, of which zero were produced and sold for zero dollars, sold out over the weekend in zero seconds. We’re going to now take the money we didn’t make and not retire to Myrtle Beach. Thank you.  —Mgt.


By the Numbers:

12 days!!!

Days 'til the next full "cold moon": 7

Days 'til the New Year's Eve Walleye Drop in Port Clinton, Ohio: 12

Current expectation for GDP growth in the 4th quarter: 2%

Worldwide gross for Wonka in its opening weekend: $150 million

Prison sentence for Catholic Cardinal Giovanni Angelo Becciu after being found guilty of fraud: 5.5 years

Estimated number of Slinkys that have been sold since their release in 1945: 360 million

Original and current price of a Slinky: $1 / $5


Puppy Pic of the Day: Good morning…


CHEERS to focusing on the important stuff. Now that the Republican House leadership has adjourned for the rest of the year, here's a complete summary—annotated in the most minute detail possible—of their accomplishments this year. We suggest you start a big chant of "USA! USA!" loud enough for your neighbors to hear as you read this amazing list:

  Kevin McCarthy was elected Speaker on the 15th round of voting.

❤  Kevin McCarthy was kicked out of the Speakership after 269 days, the shortest term in 140 years.

❤  “MAGA Mike” Johnson, who shares a pornography-monitoring obsession with his 17-year-old son (who is likely watching porn on a device Dear Dad doesn’t know about) and believes he is the second coming of Moses, was elected Speaker on the 1st round of voting.

❤  Rep. George Santos (R-NY) was voted out of Congress for committing financial crimes.

❤  Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) faced no disciplinary action after she and her date were caught groping each other's lady and man parts in a theater during a production of Beetlejuice where children were present.

❤  Brawls broke out between Republican representatives.

❤  An impeachment inquiry was opened on President Biden, minus two small details: charges and evidence.

What incredible forward-thinking brainpower and resourcefulness. This is why they earn the big bucks, folks. Memo to Chuck Schumer over in the Senate: reducing the cost of health care, lowering inflation, saving the planet and filling the potholes are for losers.

CHEERS to today’s edition of Well Now I Know That Pigs Can Fly. Courtesy of Axios:

Pope Francis approved allowing priests to bless same-sex couples under certain circumstances, the Vatican announced Monday.

Why it matters: The rule change affirms and expands on a progressive shift to Roman Catholic Church doctrine around blessings proposed by Francis in a letter he sent two conservative cardinals earlier this year.

This has been today’s edition of Well Now I Know That Pigs Can Fly.

CHEERS to home sweet teeth-chattering home.  On December 19, 1777, George Washington parked his 11,000 troops at Valley Forge for the winter. The General knew how to rally his men:

"Look, all we need to do, guys, is invent central heating after creating a regional power grid and it'll be just like a Sandals resort! Plus I know a great caterer and he'll be along just as soon as we invent the smartphone app."

Needless to say, it was a very long winter.




Delicate and precious season's cookie decoration. [📹 fiocco_cookies]

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) December 17, 2023




CHEERS and JEERS to green shoots and brown leaves. Some holly jolly economic headlines I rounded up today to hang from the tree…

  • '24 Fed interest rate cuts will be good for Biden
  • Gas price decline hits 13th straight week as national average inches closer to $2.99
  • U.S. economy still resilient as retail sales beat expectations, layoffs stay low
  • Illicit content on Elon Musk's X draws E.U. investigation
  • Workers and consumers say they're likely to favor pro-LGBTQ businesses, study finds
  • Passport wait times drop to pre-pandemic lows
  • Biden administration to impose inflation penalties on dozens of drugs
  • Americans hit the gas on shopping, travel and restaurants
  • As mortgage rates fall, homebuilders are feeling good about the housing market again
  • Support for TikTok ban crumbles, even among Republicans

And some lumps of coal for the stockings…

  • Older workers are a growing share of the American workforce
  • US Steel, once the world’s largest corporation, agrees to sell itself to a Japanese company
  • Homelessness in America surges to record high amid high rents
  • BP suspends all oil shipments through the Red Sea as attacks escalate
  • Escalating U.S.-China tech war could hurt American companies

And under the tree, topped with a bright red bow: a glass of champagne, a bottle of Maalox, and another year of whiplash insurance.

JEERS to running out of time.  Just a little reminder that if you have a flexible spending account as part of your health insurance plan, it's likely that you'll lose whatever money you have socked away if you don’t spend it within the next 12 days. Some things that are usually eligible: birth control, smoking cessation, cold remedies (NyQuil: humankind's greatest gift to itself), contact lens solution...stuff like that. But if your remaining balance is sizable enough, we'd advise you to buy something that'll deliver the most bang for your pre-tax buck: conservative Supreme Court justices.


Ten years ago in C&J: December 19, 2013

JEERS to the Kum By Yah mirage.  Watching the fawning and crowing and marveling at the "new birth of bipartisanship" on Capitol Hill makes it sound like the House and Senate are full of babies who just performed their first solo poopies.  "Yaaaay!  You did it!  Good widdle boys and girls!  You made a happy doody tootsie roll, yes you did!"  Jeebus…they're acting like they deserve the freakin' Nobel Peace Prize.  It's just a mundane budget, and not a very good one at that.  If anyone cares, the screw-the-long-term-unemployed piece of sausage passed the Senate yesterday 64-36, and President Obama will sign it.  It's a budget.  A center-right budget.  Whee.  


And just one more…

CHEERS to 72 seconds with America's future. Zander Moricz is a student at Harvard, and before that he went to school in Sarasota, Florida. That county's school board includes book-banning, MAGA loon Bridget Ziegler, a co-founder of "Moms for Liberty." Same lady who just got caught having three-ways with her husband (the chair of the Florida Republican party now being accused of rape) and another woman. Last week at the last school board meeting of the year, Zander took advantage of the public-comment period to give Bridget a good talking to. And viral it went…

🔥FLORIDA Student Schools Wildly Hypocritical Moms (Against) Liberty Founder Bridget Ziegler: “You don’t believe in public schools — you send your kids to private… you deserve to be fired not because of a threesome, but because you are terrible at it.”

— The Tennessee Holler (@TheTNHoller) December 17, 2023

Moral of the story: people like Zander Moricz are why people like Bridget Ziegler avoid reality-based humanoids at all cost. Here endeth the lesson.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


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Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

25 Seconds of Happy Dance

At Big Basin Redwoods State Park, proof of amazing resilience three years after the 2020 Lightning Complex Fires. Says biological sciences professor George Koch at the University of Nevada Las Vegas: “The CZU Fire consumed all of the leaves on some of the tallest and oldest trees in the world, yet many are recovering. Redwoods’ scientific name is ‘sempervirens,’ which means ever-flourishing. It’s very satisfying to have learned a bit more about how this remarkable species lives up to its name.”


Cool. The only thing I’ve seen grow back faster than those redwoods is my nose hairs. Ha ha ha! 

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 14, 2023

Note: For the treatment of minor aches and pains, ask your doctor if asking your doctor is right for you. And just to be sure, ask your doctor if asking your doctor for a second opinion from your doctor is right for you. Then just go grab a fistful of pills from the dispensary when they’re not looking and run like hell.

Your Friends at BillyCo Mystery Pharmaceuticals


2 days!!!

By the Numbers:

Days 'til Festivus: 9

Days 'til the 250th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party: 2

Estimated percent of active-duty ground troops that Russia has lost—around 315,000—versus what it had before its invasion of Ukraine: 87%

Portion of its tanks Russia has lost: 2/3

Rank of Paris, Dubai, and Madrid in the latest Top 100 City Destinations Index by Euromonitor International: #1, #2, #3

Rank of highest-ranked U.S. cities New York and Los Angeles: #8, #19

Number of holiday trees in the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina: 67


Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

What a campaign! Jesse Ventura took offense at someone else's manners? Mr. Etiquette, the Sensitive Male.

Poor Charlton Heston, who is suffering from Alzheimer's, no shame to him, was trotted around the country and held up by both arms while he urged us to get more guns. Both candidates for governor in California were capable of causing tooth decay in anyone forced to listen to them. In Texas, our governor merely accused his opponent of being a drug dealer and murderer. Slime and negativity from coast to coast.

In Texas, we have elected wall-to-wall dipsticks who have to figure out how to close what could be a $40 billion budget gap. They've all sworn to eat worms and die before raising taxes, so this should be entertaining.

—December 2002


Puppy Pic of the Day: This one has a squirrel cameo…


CHEERS to informed opinions. One of the imperatives in this crazy world is holding the powerful to account when they make predictions. The bolder their prediction, the accountier the holding must be. And one year ago this week, our illustrious Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen told 60 Minutes that inflation would be "much lower" by…well, by this time right now. So let's check with the Bureau of Labor Statistics to compare last year's inflation rate and this year's:

One year ago: The Consumer Price Index for All Urban Consumers rose 0.1 percent in November on a seasonally adjusted basis. Over the last 12 months, the all items index increased 7.1 percent before seasonal adjustment.

Much Nostradamus I sense in her.

Now: The Consumer Price Index for All Urban Consumers increased 0.1 percent in November on a seasonally adjusted basis. Over the last 12 months, the all items index increased 3.1 percent before seasonal adjustment.

Excellent—a solid prediction, Janet. Well done. But we're still a little disappointed. Nothing, not a word, about dropping bundles of cash from helicopters over major New England cities to spur economic growth by letting it trickle down to the rest of the country. Honest to god, I don’t know why I even bother to call her every night at 3am with my brilliant ideas.

CHEERS to payback time. I'm all-in for the elimination of gerrymandering. The sooner we have federal legislation appointing independent commissions to fairly decide district maps, the better. But until then, Republicans will continue cranking out House districts that look like the gooey trail a drunk snail leaves behind on the sidewalk and Democrats better be ready to reciprocate. So this is welcome news in the Empire State:

New York's highest court ordered new congressional districts to be drawn for the 2024 elections.

This key ruling could flip as many as six seats to Democrats, potentially impacting control of the U.S. House of Representatives in 2024.

 Flip 'em all, I say. Congratulations, Speaker Hakeem Jeffries” has such a nice ring to it.

CHEERS to “Moscow Maggie.” Happy 126th birthday to Maine's own Margaret Chase Smith.  She was the first woman to serve in both the U.S. House and Senate, and she reserved some choice not-so-nice words for Senator Joseph McCarthy (who responded by giving her the aforementioned nickname).  And get a load of this from 1950, which would no doubt get her branded a libturd by the right-wing noise machine today:

"I don't want to see the Republican Party ride to political victory on the Four Horsemen of Calumny—Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry and Smear.

A Republican who actually cared about the American people.

I doubt if the Republican Party could—simply because I don't believe the American people will uphold any political party that puts political exploitation above national interest.  Surely we Republicans aren't that desperate for victory.

I don't want to see the Republican Party win that way.  While it might be a fleeting victory for the Republican Party, it would be a more lasting defeat for the American people.

Surely it would ultimately be suicide for the Republican Party and the two-party system that has protected our American liberties from the dictatorship of a one party system."

Yeah. They'd be crazy to try that. And don’t call me Shirley.




Welcoming the holiday season at the Matsue Vogel Park, Shimane, Japan [📹 matsuevogelpark]

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) December 12, 2023




JEERS to missing 1800 by 18 days. He came this close. On December 14, 1799,George Washington died at age 67 (which was actually quite old for his family, relatively speaking, given how many of his relatives died at a younger age).  He caught a cold during a horseback ride in the rain, but forensic historians suspect that the real reason he expired was the 300-pound leech doctors attached to him to drain his "tired" blood.  I read in the book His Excellency by Joseph Ellis (highly recommended) that the last thing Washington did before he died was check his own pulse.  Which probably explains his last words: "Oh, that ain't good."

CHEERS to kicking the bums out. Though it often seems like authoritarian governments are damn-near impossible to dislodge, that ain't always the case. Exhibit A this week is Poland, where the unthinkable just got thunk:

In a cathartic moment for many in Poland, centrist political veteran Donald Tusk got the nod on Monday to be the country’s next prime minister, marking the end of eight years of right-wing nationalist rule and a dramatic shift in the European political landscape. Tusk’s alliance secured a majority in October elections with a promise to restore Polish democracy and the country’s relationship with European allies.

Donald Tusk celebrates.

“This is a wonderful day, not for me, but for all those who have deeply believed over these years that things will get even better, that we will chase away the darkness, that we will chase away evil,” Tusk said, addressing the Polish people on Monday night.

“From tomorrow, we will be able to right the wrongs so that everyone, without exception, can feel at home,” he added.

Excellent. It'll be nice watching them join the ranks of enlightened nations again. By the way: if you're wondering how many Poles it takes to change a light bulb, shame on you. Shame shame shame shame shame.


Ten years ago in C&J: December 14, 2013

JEERS to life inside the bubble.  Last week Fox News host Megyn Kelly caused a stir when she made a big fat hairy deal out of the alleged "fact" that both Jesus and Santa Claus are "just white."  Friday she backpedaled and claimed that—of course!—her race-baiting was the ha-ha jokey kind of race baiting, people.  Which it wasn't, because neither she nor her guests cracked a smile at the time (except Candy Crowley, but that's just the perma-botox).  But her real problem this morning isn’t with the left's criticism of her comments.  Rather it's with her conservative viewers, who thought she was gloriously correct about white SantaJesus, but are now wondering why she's gone all Massachusetts Kum By Yah Liberal on them.  It's left them fearful, confused and agitated.  In other words: Megyn Kelly has done her job well.


And just one more…

CHEERS to D-Day 2020. Can’t let today slide by without noting that December 14th will be noted as the day America—and all the restaurants, theaters, gyms, and bowling alleys therein—was saved by a bunch of little pricks. And I admit that I remember getting a bit verklempt watching it happen:

[T]he battle against Covid-19 took what could be a decisive turn Monday as the first federally approved coronavirus vaccine was injected into an American arm.

Good on ya, Nurse Lindsay.

Sandra Lindsay, an ICU nurse who has been on the front lines of the battle against a virus that's killed almost 300,000 people in the United States alone, joined in the applause moments after the first dose was injected into her left arm.

"I feel hopeful today, relieved," Lindsay, who works at at Long Island Jewish Medical Center said…"I feel the healing is coming. I hope this marks the beginning of the end of the very painful time in our history."

The vaccines (and the follow-up miracle covid happy pills) have come a log way since then. For instance, one of the tricky things about that early vaccine was it keeping it stored in a receptacle that was super-duper-icy cold. Today they can just be shipped under normal refrigeration. But it was pretty dicey back then. The only known way for each shipping container to reach minus-94 degrees Fahrenheit was to let it be stared at for 30 seconds by Laura Ingraham.

Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial

"The Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool splashers say jump, Bill in Portland Maine says how high?"

Rep. Jim McGovern (D-MA)


Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Late Night Snark: B'bye Edition

"Former Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy announced today that he's going to resign at the end of the year and said, 'I know my work is only getting started.'  That's a big first step, said his therapist."

—Seth Meyers

"This means Republicans will have an even slimmer majority. And now, like all of Trump's banished bootlickers, Kevin McCarthy will spend the rest of his days reading commercials for Stamps-dot-com on a podcast no one likes."

—Jimmy Kimmel


You are now below the fold. Caution: watch for airborne dreidels.

"Representative George Santos was expelled from Congress Friday by a vote of 114 'Shantay You Stays' to 311 'Sashay Aways.'"

—Colin Jost, SNL

"Tonight in Alabama was the fourth Republican debate. It aired on the CW network, which makes sense because it was two hours of people over 35 acting like they're in high school. These debates started on Fox News and NBC, and now they're on the CW. I'm hearing the next debate will just be shown on the little screen on the gas pump on the Jersey turnpike."

—Jimmy Fallon


"Elon Musk met with Benjamin Netanyahu this week and agreed that Israel must destroy Hamas. I think Musk could destroy Hamas almost instantly by becoming their CEO."

—Michael Che, SNL

"Yes. Henry Kissinger is dead. Which just goes to show you, if you have zero morals you'll live a long, stress-free life. He committed massacres and lived to be a hundred, while the rest of us over here are dying at 47 because we can't stop stressing over the time we waved to a person who was actually waving to a person behind us."

The Daily Show guest host Michelle Wolf

And now, our feature presentation...


Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 8, 2023

Note: Arson charges pending after Jeanette and Isabella admit to bringing a torch to a duplex on Riverside Drive during a drinking binge.  Film at 11.


By the Numbers:

8 days!!!

Days 'til Festivus: 15

Days 'til the Gaslamp Pet Parade in San Diego: 8

Percent of Americans who approve of labor unions, according to Gallup: 67%

Increase in the number of union workers in 2022: 300,000

Rank of virtual chatbot ChatGPT among top searches on Wikipedia in 2023: #1

Average cost of a real Christmas tree this year: $90

Number of the four calling birds that no longer have a land line: 3


Puppy Pic of the Day: Happy birthday #11 (75'ish in human years, we’re told) to C&J's rescue lab-mix and cancer survivor Haley.  One of the happiest and smartest dogs we've ever had the privilege of being owned by, SBDs and all. Everyone: please enjoy the free birthday kibble in the C&J cafeteria this evening (we’re putting out extra ketchup) in honor of our goofy ol' dawg from Macon, Georgia:

Happy birthday, old lady.


CHEERS to getting off to a great start. With George Santos' congressional career finally tossed into the dumpster with the rest of the House trash, it's time for folks in New York's 3rd district to pick a replacement. And, by golly, the Republicans are off to a fine start as they begin offering up their buffet of contestants:

A New York man who is running for the congressional seat previously held by George Santos was convicted this week of charges relating to the Jan. 6 riot after he testified at his trial that he didn't know Congress convened inside the Capitol.

“Grillo: I Hate My County” is an odd campaign slogan. 

Philip Sean Grillo, of Queens, was found guilty Tuesday of the felony charge of obstruction of an official proceeding, along with a series of misdemeanors like entering restricted grounds and disorderly conduct in a Capitol building, the Justice Department said in a news release.

Even worse, we hear he has no idea how to wear an ascot.

JEERS to the return of the Puritans. I regret to inform you that, despite our mostly-deserved reputation as an open and welcoming bastion of progressive values, New England has its share of southern-style freedom stompers who mistook The Handmaid's Tale for a how-to video. And these days the Republicans in the buckle hats and buckle shoes and buckle underpants (gosh, they sure love their buckles) hail from New  Hampshire, where reading the room is a skill they seem to lack:

Republicans in New Hampshire filed one of the most extreme abortion bans in the country on Tuesday―and a GOP trifecta could allow the bill to become law once the legislature starts its 2024 session next month.

The bill was pre-filed in the House in September, but the full text of the abortion ban was only released Tuesday morning. The legislation “prohibits abortion, other than for a medical emergency, if the gestational age of the fetus is more than 15 days,” according to the bill text.

The bill is actually a compromise. The real hardliners wanted a different plan. They call it "Standing over couples during sex with a stopwatch."

CHEERS to the #1 cause of hairy palms and sudden blindness.  On this date in 1994 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders—who, at 90, is still professor emeritus at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences—got triangulated out of her job by President Bill Clinton.  Her offense: having the gall to suggest that legalizing marijuana might be a good idea, and teaching kids about masturbation might help prevent the spread of AIDS.

Firing her was not one of Bill Clinton’s finest moments.

"Education, education, education," she said.  "The only way we are going to get around this disease is with education. We have no vaccine, we have no magic drug. All we've got is education."  Clinton should've let her stay. He might've learned that playing with yourself prevents something else: impeachment.




This sweet girl from Germany came to visit the donkey that she had helped raise when it was born And this is their reunion ❤️❤️❤️ 🔊Sound up! in/sweeping_facts

— Jessi 💫 (@its_jessi_grace) December 6, 2023




JEERS to compassionate conservabuttheads.  As income inequality unnecessarily continues squeezing Americans, we're reminded that 40 years ago this week, Attorney General Ed Meese claimed that people go to soup kitchens "because food is free and that's easier than paying for it."  Could Reagan pick 'em or could Reagan pick 'em?

CHEERS to home vegetation. Sure, the world's crumbling around us…but at least we've got the magic talking picture box to make things better. The evening starts out the usual way, with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew unwrapping the latest presents from Bidenville and MAGA Town. At 8:30 on PBS’s Firing Line Margaret Hoover talks with exiled Venezuelan opposition leader Leopoldo Lopez about combatting autocracy. And there’s a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us! at 8 on the CW.

The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes.  The NHL schedule is here, and the NBA schedule is here. Adam Driver hosts Saturday Night Live.

Sunday night’s busy, with Frozen on ABC, a Grammy Salute to Hip Hop on CBS, and Master Chef Junior: Home for the Holidays replacing the usual lineup on Fox. And then, after a new episode of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight (HBO), it’s to bed with all of you and no listening to your crystal radios under the covers or you’re in big trouble, buster.

Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

This Week: Secretary of State Antony Blinken; former Rep. Liz Cheney.

Blinken be busy Sunday morning.

Face the Nation: Save the Children president Janti Soeripto; President Biden’s budget chief Shalanda Young; Sen. Jim Lankford (MAGA Cult-OK).

CNN's State of the UnionSecretary of State Antony Blinken; Sen. J.D. Vance (MAGA Cult-OH).

Fox MAGA Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA Cult-SC); Virginia Lt. Gov. Winsome Sears (MAGA Cult); Swedish defense Minister Pal Jonson.

Happy viewing!


Ten years ago in C&J: December 8, 2013

JEERS to the United States of Skepticism.  Apparently America has become a nation of distrusters: 

These days, only one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted. Half felt that way in 1972, when the General Social Survey first asked the question. […] An AP-GfK poll conducted last month found that Americans are suspicious of each other in everyday encounters. Less than one-third expressed a lot of trust in clerks who swipe their credit cards, drivers on the road, or people they meet when traveling.  "I'm leery of everybody," said Bart Murawski, 27, of Albany, N.Y.

Murawski, of course, is full of shit.  Don't trust him.


And just one more…

CHEERS to A Timely and Necessary Musical Interlude.  43 years ago today, on December 8, 1980, John Lennon was gunned down by some idiot. I was 16 and getting ready for school when I heard the news that day (oh boy), and it's hard to fathom that I'm now nearly twenty years older than he was—40—when he was killed. Lennon believed that all you need is love, give peace a chance and war is over if you want it. And this, too…


Today there were commemorations of John Lennon's life and peace activism. The imagining continues...with mixed results.

Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Late Night Snark: Dems Save Us Again Edition

"New Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is in a pickle. He's only been in the job three weeks and he's already getting heat from members of his own party over the bipartisan deal he made to keep our government running. The hardcore conservatives are dead-set against the Democrats' “liberal agenda” of making sure the country has a functioning government, because if the government keeps running through the end of the year it means Republicans have less time to focus on the issues that really matter to their constituents. Like proving that Santa Claus is white."

—Jimmy Kimmel

"So there isn’t gonna be a government shutdown. Congratulations, Congress—you did the absolute bare f*cking minimum."

The Daily Show guest host Leslie Jones


You are now below the fold. Please: wipe your feet on our code of ethics.

"President Biden is in San Francisco today meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping. Before the meeting both sides tried to play it cool and set expectations low. In fact, both countries said that whatever happened both Biden and Xi will not put out a joint statement after the meeting. So it's just gonna be a case of He said, Xi said."

—Stephen Colbert

"The White House yesterday released the fifth national Climate Assessment. And if you're wondering how things are going, they said don’t expect a sixth."

—Seth Meyers

What's it gonna be, Congress?

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 16, 2023


"On Monday Donald Trump testified under oath at his civil fraud trial. Though technically he was never sworn in because the bibles kept bursting into flames."

—Michael Che, SNL

"Are you kidding me, [Clarence Thomas]? You're gonna pretend you didn’t know the stuff you did was wrong until now? Having good judgment is the entire point of being a judge! This is so embarrassing—the Supreme Court went without needing an ethics code until these corrupt bastards came along. Here's what really pisses me off, though: the ethics code isn’t even enforceable, so it's not gonna work. If you want to hold people accountable, you gotta be able to fire them."

—Leslie Jones

"Republican senator Tim Scott dropped out of the race for president. Everybody responded by saying, 'That's too bad' and 'who is that, again?'  The announcement has really shaken up the race for fifth place."

—Jimmy Fallon

And now, our feature presentation…


Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 17, 2023

Note: A reminder that Sunday is Have A Bad Day Day. If you violate the spirit of the occasion by having a good day, that would be very bad, which would actually make your good day a bad day. Good for you! (In a bad way. Which is good! But that’s bad. Good! Good bad!)


By the Numbers:

7 days!!!

Days 'til the Great American Smokeout: 6

Days 'til the Creede Chocolate Festival in Colorado: 7

Maryland's unemployment rate, the lowest of any state according to records going back to 1976: 1.6%

Estimated number of Americans expected to drive to a Thanksgiving destination this year, an increase of 1.7% from 2022: 49.1 million

Current inflation rate: 3.2%

Decline in cable subscribers since 20​14: -40%

First year a turkey was pardoned by a president (George H.W. Bush) for Thanksgiving: 1989


Puppy Pic of the Day: Off to Petco…


JEERS to the arrival of a blessed cease fire. Finally. It's over. The fighting is over. For now, anyway. The warring factions have agreed to split up so they can lick their wounds and presumably regroup. In their wake they leave carnage and chaos that have left millions of ordinary citizens wondering if peace will ever return. Possibly not, since their leader sees a future of mass arrests, violence, and sprawling detention camps that will quickly devolve into squalor. But enough about House Republicans in charge of the least-productive Congress since the Great Depression going on vacation for the rest of the month. Anyone know what's happening between Israel and Hamas?

CHEERS to pest control. We'll file this under "Most Foregone Conclusion in the History of Foregone Conclusions." The House Ethics Committee's investigation report is in. And, having read it, lyingest-congressman-ever (and that's saying something) George Santos is out:

“I will continue on my mission to serve my constituents up until I am allowed. I will however NOT be seeking re-election for a second term in 2024 as my family deserves better than to be under the gun from the press all the time.”

Let us never speak of him again.

The 56-page report, written by an investigative subcommittee, breaks down the 23 federal felony charges against Santos, including conspiracy, wire fraud, false statements, falsification of records, aggravated identity theft and credit card fraud. The committee said its investigation "revealed a complex web of unlawful activity involving Representative Santos' campaign, personal, and business finances."

Okay, okay, I take it back. A Republican-led committee actually did one productive thing this session. Pop the champagne corks.

JEERS to the hunchback of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Speaking of Republican shits, 50 years ago today, in 1973, floundering President Richard Nixon uttered his immortal words: "People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook.  Well, I'm not a crook."


And to prove he wasn't a crook, Gerald Ford shielded him with a "full and unconditional pardon" after Nixon resigned rather than face impeachment for crooky things like high crimes and misdemeanors.  Trust me: the less you think about it, the more it makes sense.




Future field hockey player 🏑🏌️👶 #FieldHockey #FutureAthlete #KookaburrasHockey #ViralHog

— ViralHog (@ViralHog) November 10, 2023




CHEERS to that people-powered dude. Since I know you appreciate being made to feel old, here's a fun fact: when Howard Dean's 2004 presidential campaign—the catalyst for bringing so many of us here to Daily Kos—was shifting into high gear, he was but a lad of 56. Today he finds 75 candles on his birthday cake.

Happy Birthday, big guy.

The former Vermont governor (first in the nation to sign same-sex civil unions into law—a quaint milestone, but groundbreaking at the time) became the loudest 2004 candidate to rail against the warmongering Bush II regime at a time when too many Democratic leaders were still searching for their spines. (His 2003 speech in Sacramento remains one of the most influential barn burners in modern political history.)

Of course, we all know Governor Dean met his Waterloo after he uttered "Yeah" in Iowa at a higher volume than is allowed in polite political society. He then went on to become the chairman of the DNC, unleashing a radical strategy that would give the Democratic party a robust presence in all 50 states, and remains forever a card-carrying Kossack. So when you're pouring out a drinky tonight (may we recommend a cocktail made with pure Vermont maple syrup?), hoist it and send a happy birthday toast to ol’ Doc Dean. And you should also get together and bake him a cake. After all, YOU have the flour and YOU have the flour and YOU have the flour...!!!

CHEERS to home vegetation. Ahhh...the airwaves are blessedly free of obnoxious political ads, clearing the way for a weekend of blissful boob-tubage during which we’ll only have to contend with obnoxious drug ads and obnoxious MyPillow ads. As always, MSNBC is the place to go for details of any Friday night news dumps. Georgia’s Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger—one of the few GOP good guys in the wake of the 2020 elections—talks with Margaret Hoover on PBS’s Firing Line at 8:30. Or you can catch a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us! at 8 on the CW.

Whoever thought it’d be a good idea to put the TV in front of a wall of mirrors should be fired. (And WTF are they watching???)

The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Did we really need another Hunger games flick?)  The NHL schedule is here, and the NBA schedule is here. Jason Momoa hosts SNL.

Sunday on 60 Minutes: an update on the fire-ravaged Hawaiian town of Lahaina and a profile of guitarist and musical director for Springsteen and the E Street Band Steven Van Zandt. Homer causes a pre-Thanksgiving Springfield blackout on The Simpsons, and Stewie tries to civilize his half-brother “Boston Stewie” on Family Guy.  Awards season starts ramping up with the Billboard Music Awards Sunday. (As usual, all my money's on a clean sweep by The Singing Dogs.)  And then enjoy your fill of John Oliver Sunday night at 11 during another edition of HBO’s Last Week Tonight.

Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:

This Week: Deputy National Security Adviser Jon Finer; Retired Admiral and Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman Mike Mullen; Israeli Ambassador to the United States Michael Herzog; UNRWA Director of Communications Juliette Touma; San Francisco Mayor London Breed (D).

Also Sunday: the ghost of Wendell Willkie returns to make it VERY CLEAR that any resemblance to Ron DeSantis is purely coincidental.

Meet the Press: Senator Dick Blumenthal (D-CT); Chris Christie; Steve Kornacki unveils new polling numbers.

Face the Nation: Senator Chris Van Hollen (D-MD); Reps. Raja Krishnamo (D-IL), Mike Turner (MAGA Cult-OH) and Mike Gallagher (MAGA Cult-WI). 

CNN's State of the UnionGov. Ron DeSantis (MAGA Cult-FL).

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Doughy pantload Mike Pompeo; Senator Chris Coons (D-DE).

Happy viewing!


Ten years ago in C&J: November 17, 2013

JEERS to the "Apocalypter."  Former President Bush—the spawn Bush, not the host Bush—gave his speech to the "Recruit Jews to Christianity So We Can Get Our Rapture On" crowd yesterday.  The Messianic Jewish Bible Institute believes that the pure and good people will all go to heaven and the no-good sinners will remain to be picked over by Beelzebub.  As usual, when the event ended the only thing that had disappeared was a bunch of the crowd's money.  Oh well…maybe next year?


And just one more…

CHEERS to cleansing your cosmic soul.  Cast your eyes heavenward this weekend and you might see some wowee-zowee fireworks in the sky. The Leonid Brezhnev meteor shower—which happens every time Earth plays footsies with Comet Tempel-Tuttle and its debris field—is entering its most Leonidinicious period tonight and tomorrow night:

The Leonids are a modest shower producing up to approximately 15 meteors per hour. ... The moon will be 23% illuminated on the date of Leonid's peak so should not interfere with viewing opportunities too much.

Thunder is God bowling. Meteor showers are God playing Atari’s ‘Missile Command.’

The Leonids are considered some of the fastest meteors, zipping through the sky at 44 miles per second, according to NASA. They can also result in impressive fireballs producing long, bright and colorful meteor streaks.

You don't need any telescopes or binoculars as the secret to a good meteor viewing experience is to take in as much sky as possible. Make sure to allow about 30 minutes for your eyes to adjust to the dark.

As I like to say, everyone loves meteor showers because they’re beautiful, unite Americans in a common activity, and make lots of people happy and curious about the universe and the wonders of science.  Which explains why House Republicans plan to introduce a constitutional amendment banning all future meteor showers.

Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

The Swashbucklin’ 19th

Avast me hearties and suchlike. It's me, Captain Billybeard, fear-instiller of the deep blue kiddie pool. For thems who don't knows, today is the blow-me-downest day of the year: International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And arrrway we go…

President Biden: "By 2035 we’ll all be drivin’ electric carrrs!"

Democratic strategist: "That Whitmer lass is a rising starrr."

Winston Churchill: "Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest arrr!'"



American worker: "Thanks to those greedy bastards on Wall Street, I may never get to retarrr!"

Daily Kos blogger: ”My favorite front-pager is the Morrill lass named Barrrrb.”

And please: it’s “Arrr,” not “Arrrgh.”

Daily Kos blogger with opposing view: “My favorite front-pager is the Joan they call McCarrrter.”

Judge, sometime in 2024: "I sentence ye, Donald J. Trump and yer co-conspirators, to a hundred years behind barrrrs."

Buzz Aldrin: "To Marrrs!"

Interior Secretary Deb Haaland: "Come one, come all, to visit our national parrrks."

Red-hatted End Times fanatic: "Prepare ye for Arrrrmageddon."

Theatre Critic: "Don’t miss the revival of Streetcarrr Named Desarrr!"

Postal abbreviation of Bill Clinton's home state: AR

Trump's legal team: "Ready! Farrr! Aim!"

Thanks for reading.  You've been a swarrrthy arrdience. And now, our feature presentation…


Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Note: What you’re presenting me with is hogwash, and I can prove it!

[Washes hog with it.]



By the Numbers:

8 days!!!

Days 'til the start of Yom Kippur: 5

Days 'til the American Royal World Series of Barbecue in Kansas City, Missouri: 8

Estimated amount by which Maine's population grew in 2022, equal to 0.58% and outpacing the national average: 13,093

Rank of Florida, Idaho, and South Carolina among states with the highest population growth in 2022: #1, #2, #3

Percent by which middle-aged Americans are less likely to die of any cause if they walk 7,000 steps a day, compared with those who walk less, according to research in the Journal of the American Medical Association: 50%

Expected increase in U.S. economic growth in the third quarter, according to the latest estimates from Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, and the Atlanta Fed: 3.2%

Time it takes for sunlight to reach the earth: 8 minutes, 20 seconds


Puppy Pic of the Day:  Aaaand they’re off…!!!


CHEERS to Dark Brandon: The Great Liberator. Popping caffeine pills like candy, the President of the Goddamn Greatest United States in the History of the MF’ing Universe rolled up his sleeves and, armed with nothing more than a slide rule and his wits, ran negotiation circles around his counterparts in Iran, and came away with a victory that will be etched on his future National Mall monument with lightning:

Five American citizens freed as part of a deal between the U.S. and Iran were flown out of the country and landed in Doha, Qatar, Monday. Later Monday, they will be flown back to the U.S.

Won’t cop out when there’s danger all about.

In a statement, President Joe Biden said, "Today, five innocent Americans who were imprisoned in Iran are finally coming home.

Siamak Namazi, Morad Tahbaz, Emad Sharghi, and two citizens who wish to remain private will soon be reunited with their loved ones—after enduring years of agony, uncertainty, and suffering," he said.

The hostages were released by Iran in exchange for clemency by the U.S. for five of their citizens and a bag of their own money. Up next: Joe negotiates the end of the Russo-Ukraine war by convincing Vladimir Putin to withdraw all his troops while punching himself in the face.

JEERS to facepalm-worthy notices. Now showing up on utility poles and milk cartons throughout Dixie:


F-35 B Stealth Fighter

Height: 14 feet

Weight: 30,000 lbs.

Have you seen me?

Last seen: Sunday afternoon over South Carolina in the

vicinity of Lake Moultrie/Lake Marion

*** May be armed and/or dangerous (sharp edges!) ***

If found, please deposit in any mailbox. Return postage guaranteed.

Somebody go check Lindsey Graham’s basement.

JEERS to joining the other lemmings on the road to the cliff. Hardly surprising:

Before House Speaker Kevin McCarthy unilaterally launched an impeachment inquiry, center-right Rep. Don Bacon, R-Neb., urged his party not to go down that road, saying it was “too early” given the lack of evidence against President Joe Biden.

But two days after McCarthy made that decision last week, Bacon, who represents an Omaha-based district that voted for Biden in 2020, shifted his tone and said he wasn't taking issue with it.

In fact, all the so-called "swing district Republicans" are climbing aboard the impeachment-inquiry bandwagon now. They made their decision once they learned that there would be no evidence to sift through. But enjoy those closed-door cocktail parties, guys.







JEERS to deep-sixing #20.  On September 19, 1881, President James Garfield died, 80 days after some disgruntled jerk whipped out a couple guns and shot him in the back. One bullet grazed his arm, the other hit his backbone but not the spinal cord or any internal organs. Had the radical notion of sterile hands and instruments (already embraced for 30 years by much of Europe) been in use at the time, and had they not basically starved him, the president would’ve lived. True story: Alexander Graham Bell tried to locate the bullet using his new invention, the metal detector…

As the doctors struggled to understand the extent of Garfield's wounds, Bell, inventor of the telephone, used this machine to try to locate the bullet. When found, the machine was to send a sound to the attached telephone receiver.

“Hello, operator? Please connect me to the president’s bullet. No, I haven’t been drinking. And I also need Amanda Hugginkiss.”

Despite attempts on July 26 and August 1, 1881, Bell could not situate the bullet.

Turns out the steel springs in Garfield's bed likely rendered it useless. Someday we'll be able to joke about it. But not today—after only 142 years, it’s just too soon.

JEERS to the whiner class. Men and their testosterone fuel tanks have dominated Earth since day 1. They started the wars. They cooked the planet. They led the persecutions of everyone and anyone who displeased them. They genocided across the globe. They hoarded wealth, demanded loyalty, fucked everything up that could be fucked up, raped, pillaged, and thumped their chests with a superiority complex they claimed was literally given to them by God. They lied, cheated and stole so much that today we yawn over it. Yes…pity the poor male of the species:

We hear a lot these days about men not finding the kind of deep friendship that helps them through the ups and downs of life the way many women do. I’ve also experienced what has been called the male loneliness epidemic, and many dads tell me it has reached into fatherhood.

“There’s no one to talk to. I walk into a place that is crowded, and it’s like I don’t even exist,” the dad told me.

Welcome to the hole you dug. Deep enough for ya?


Ten years ago in C&J: September 19, 2013

CHEERS to the War of the Bicameral Titans!  Oh, it’s on, baby!  In the halls of Congress, it’s a pitched battle for legislative supremacy.  Two sides locked in a titanic struggle for control of the almighty federal budget.  And as they tear each other to shreds, there's not a Democrat in sight:

Whether the government shuts down likely depends on the outcome of a civil war in the Republican Party over health care, a tussle on full display Wednesday as House Republicans openly fought with their GOP counterparts in the Senate. …

It's frustration driven by the reality that the House GOP could take the brunt of the blame if the government does shut down—even though it's [Ted] Cruz and a handful of other Republican senators who are leading the charge to use the government funding bill to defund ObamaCare. Sens. Mike Lee and Marco Rubio also issued statements on Wednesday praising House Speaker John Boehner for scheduling a vote on a government funding bill that included the defund ObamaCare provisions.  Boehner's move was a cave to his party's right-wing…

"(Sens.) Cruz, Lee and Rubio are like the kids in high school who would yell 'fight, fight, fight,' but have never thrown a punch in their entire life," a Senior GOP aide told NBC News after Cruz released his statement.

And in a related story, today is the 31st birthday of the smiley-face emoticon.  :-)


And just one more…

CHEERS to nocturnal emissions. The news from our insignificant speck of dust on the universe's butt can be put on hold for a moment.  Instead, let's fwoof a thousand light years away and gawk at the image of a young star in the Perseus constellation captured just days ago by the Webb telescope. And in case you're not utterly gobsmacked by this image, may I remind you that the Webb 1) Took the photo with a Polaroid OneStep  2) extracted the print and waved it around for two minutes until the image appeared  3) addressed a 5x7 envelope to NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory  4) affixed 3,500 Star Trek-themed Forever stamps on it, and 5) prayed to god Louis DeJoy hadn't also f*cked up the Space Mail. Thankfully, we lucked out:

You can see it in super close-up here at NASA’s site. The star is “actively sucking in surrounding gas and dust to grow larger, but is meanwhile shedding material into space in what astronomers call a bipolar outflow.” Or, in laymen’s terms: it’s a space fart. A “spart.” Hey, there’s a new entry for ya, Merriam-Webster.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial

What exactly is happening in the human brain when a person who has almost died is being resuscitated? A new study of cardiac arrest survivors suggests that almost 40% of people undergoing CPR have memories, dreamlike experiences or some type of perception of the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool even when they are unconscious.

NBC News


Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Wayback Whiplash: September 2014

Weird. Unless I get help from the “world wide web,” I can’t remember a damn thing about 2014 besides Obama was president and I was still writing C&J. Apparently anticipating this Billy brain freeze, we archived some of the currently still-idle late nighters’ takes on events from this month nine years ago. What a simpler time...

"Disney World has become a popular location for Republican fundraisers. A favorite activity is to ride through It's a Small World and deport most of the dolls."

—Conan O'Brien

"Former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has taken a new job at a Wall Street investment bank. Now he can finally have some influence in Congress."

—Stephen Colbert


You are now below the fold. A tropical storm watch is in effect.

"According to a report from the United Nations, the damage from global warming could be irreversible. It's clear we need to do something. We need to give the Earth the ice bucket challenge."

—Jimmy Kimmel

CNN Anchor: New York's junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, says she has been the target of some very inappropriate sexist comments right in the halls of Congress.

Jon Stewart: Not just sexist comments, but inappropriate sexist comments. That's my least-favorite kind of sexist comment.

—The Daily Show

September, 2014: President Obama with a group of elementary school students at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa

"In a recent interview, Texas Governor Rick Perry revealed that he has spent the last twenty months preparing to run for president. Then Hillary said, 'Call me when you’ve spent 67 years.'”

—Jimmy Fallon

"You know who Americans hate more than we hate Russia? More than we hate Russia we hate our own Congress. The latest CNN poll puts the Russia’s approval rating at 19 percent and Congress' approval rating at 14 percent. So we American citizens are basically in a cold war with the 202 area code."

—Rachel Maddow

And to mark this weekend's passing of the cocktail-weenie baton from Chuck Todd to Kristen Welker:

"Meet the Press has fired host David Gregory and hired another guy—Chuck Todd—to host. To me, if your name is Chuck Todd, it might as well be David Gregory. Todd Chuck, Gregory makes no difference. They're all interchangeable."

—David Letterman

And now, our feature presentation...


Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 15, 2023

Note: A critical, time-sensitive reminder that Sunday is National Apple Dumpling Day.  Please, apples: dumple responsibly.


By the Numbers:

7 days!!!

Days 'til Indigenous Peoples Day: 24

Days 'til the Arizona State Fair in Phoenix: 7

Current year-over-year inflation rate: 3.7%

Additional investment the Biden administration is making in its "cancer moonshot" initiative: $240 million

Prison sentence handed down to MAGA traitor Joseph Padilla of Tennessee, who was seen frothing at the mouth during the Jan. 6 insurrection: 6.5 years

Percent chance that Sen. Mitt Romney is running for reelection: 0%

Months besides September that have the same number of letters in its name as the number of the month: 0


Puppy Pic of the Day: The Four Corgiteers…


CHEERS to impeaching the bastard. So-called "president" Joe Biden is finally feeling the heat from the Republican leadership of the United States House Of Representatives, and will soon pay for what he did with impeachment. I think we all know what he did. I think we're all well aware that Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan and that Comer fella have the goods on him—enough to impeach, convict, remove, and send him away for many concurrent sentences of life in prison. The detailed list of transgressions in their possession is as long as your arm, but the top 10 are as awful as you'd expect:

  He did that one thing that one time, remember?

  Right after the one thing, he did that second thing and my god what a thing that was.

☹  The third thing came between the first thing and the second thing, which is even more damning than the other things because it defies the principles of basic math.

According to the MAGA cult, he’s both a doddering old man...and sharp-as-a-tack, cunning mastermind.

☹  He allegedly used offshore hidey holes to conceal the fourth, fifth, and sixth things. (Number 5 will shock you!)

☹  The seventh thing is so heinous, so grotesque, so unbelievably inhuman that the details must be concealed to prevent panic in the streets.

☹  How bad is the eighth thing? Try and ask any ice cream vendor about it and watch how fast they slam the door in your face!

☹  Then there's the ninth thing Biden did. Or rather, didn't do. May God have mercy on his soul for that one is all we can say. No joke, ladies and gentlemen, no joke.

☹  Number 10 involves… Well, let's just say we hope no momma ever lives to see her child grow up to do a thing like that.

Okay, okay, I'm finally ready to say it: help us, No Labels. You're our only hope.

CHEERS to Year 5784. Happy New Year again!  Rosh Hashanah starts at Sundown and C&J wishes all of our Jewish readers a hearty "Shana Tova!" minus the Times Square ball drop:

The only similarity between the Jewish New Year and the secular one is:

It ain’t the years…’s the mileage.

Many people use the New Year as a time to make "resolutions." Likewise, the Jewish New Year is a time to begin looking back at the mistakes of the past year and planning the changes to be made in the new year. …

Rosh Hashana begins a 10 day period, known as Aseret Ymay Tshuva, (Ten Days of Repentance) or Yomim Nora'im (High Holy days). These ten days that end with Yom Kippur, are a time for Tshuva (repentance), Tefilla (prayer) and Tzedaka (charity).

Even though the C&J household is just a run-'o-the-mill lapsed-Episcopalian/lapsed-Catholic domicile, we’ll still take a moment to blow a ram's horn outside our neighbor's bedroom window at 3am.  We figure, why break with our normal routine just because it's Rosh Hashanah?

CHEERS to “Old Bill.”  Happy 163rd birthday to William Howard Taft.  At 325 pounds, the 27th President (who later served as Chief Justice) was also our, um, "biggest boned." It's believed that his weight contributed to the fact that he was habitually sleepy.  From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien:

William Taft had an alarming habit of dozing off at the drop of a hat.  And nothing was so important that it couldn’t be slept through—including cabinet meetings, funerals (he was in the front row of one when a catnap came over him), and campaign engagements.

Like the previous president, Taft enjoyed the game of golf. Unlike the previous president, Taft was smart, got important work done, and loved his country.

He once slept through a campaign motorcade in New York City—his open car cruised the streets, the great man snoring for all the city to see.

Pay your respects here.  And I doubt the old man would complain if you tossed him a bucket 'o ribs.




Digital artist Victor De Martrin creates musical animations where popular themes are played while marbles hit a xylophone's bars. [🎞️ victordemartrin]

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) September 13, 2023




CHEERS to memorable moments in attempted comedy.  Fifty-five years ago tomorrow, in 1968, Richard Nixon appeared on Laugh-In and uttered the immortal words: "Sock it to me???"  Here's the whole segment for context:


I wish we had gotten the chance to sock it to him after the crook quit in '74. Thanks a lot, Gerald.

CHEERS to home vegetation. Quick roundup of TV-type stuffs on the weekend platter-o-plenty. Tonight starts with the unpacking of the Friday news dumps on MSNBC with Chris Hayes and the prime time lineup. Or you can catch the classic 1967 introduction of “Khan” during the original Star Trek episode Space Seed (H&I Network, 8 ET) with live-tweeting at hashtag #allstartrek.  

The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The National Concussion League schedule is here, and the baseball lineup is here. (If you’re wondering when NHL and NBA seasons start: October 7th and October 24th. You’re welcome.) 

Sunday evening on the season premiere of 60 Minutes: an interview of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and a story on the military reservists protesting the MAGAfication of Israel by Benjamin Netanyahu. Other than that...meh. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Kristen Welker reassures the show’s core viewers that she won’t be rocking the beltway boat as she takes over hosting duties from Chuck Todd. Her guest: MAGA Cult leader Donald Trump.

Kristen Welker rides to the set of “Meet the Press” to bring sparkles and joy to all the MAGA cultists who show up.

This Week: Next speaker of the House Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA Cult-SC); Cindy McCain.

Face the Nation: Sean Penn talks about his Ukraine-centric documentary Superpower; Reps. Debbie Dingell (D-MI) and Mike Turner (MAGA Cult-OH).

CNN's State of the Union: Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA); Presidential candidate now soaring at 1% Mike Pence (MAGA Cult); and Bernie!!!

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Elise Stefanik (MAGA Cult-NY); Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA); Presidential candidate now soaring at 2% Vivek Ramaswamy (MAGA Cult).

Happy viewing!


Ten years ago in C&J: September 15, 2013 

CHEERS to de primary outcome.  I was tempted to do de obvious thing and blurt out de name of de candidate who won de Democratic primary for de mayor's race in de city of New York.  But then I got to thinkin', "Hey, why don't I have a little fun and make de C&J crowd guess who de victor is in de Big Apple on de east coast?  It could be just de thing to get de cobwebs out of de brain first thing in de morning.  Yeah—that's de ticket!  So de ball's in your court.  No fair Googling de answer, but I'll give you a hint: it's Bill [blank] Blasio. Good luck finding de answer!


And just one more...

CHEERS to misty water-color memories of mayhem. August. 1991. I'm 27 and on vacation at my grandfather's cottage on the Maine coast twenty minutes south of Portland. He's 89. My nearly-60 mom is there, along with my sister, my four year-old brat nephew, ten month-old niece, dog, and cat that bites. Hurricane Bob is barreling up the coast. Weather Channel says wind speeds in Rhode Island are clocking in at 115. I've boarded up the place. We wait. We wait. We wait some more.

Then, suddenly and without a hint of warning, all hell breaks loose: my grandfather reminds me that I'd promised to drive him to the podiatrist for his 2:15 foot exam. Plus he needs to stop at the grocery store to pick up a fresh bottle of scotch whiskey. We go. While we're gone the evacuation order is given. We cannot return. Road's closed.

August 1991.

We eventually meet up with the rest of the family at Saco Middle School. Pandemonium ensues when we are told: NO dogs allowed. A riot is averted at last minute when we are told: Okay, okay…WELCOME DOGS! Power goes out, followed immediately by that haunting sound a crowd makes when something scary happens: "Oooohhawweeaww!" It's not total darkness, but dark enough that if you go into the restroom you stand a good chance of getting peed on by the disoriented among us.

After a while, cheers go up as everything outside turns calm…then SUNNY!!! Oh my god, cue Barry Manilow, we made it through the rain! Yippee!!! It's over! It's…….Aw fuck, it was just the eye passing over us. Back to our regularly-scheduled mayhem and Whap Whap Whap! of the peeling school roof.

We sit and sit and sit some more. I silently observe that southern Mainers need to take showers more often. Finally, Bob moves on. Seven hours later, we head back to our cottage made of sticks. It survives. We praise the circa-1895 builders. We toss the empty bottle of scotch whiskey in the recycle bin. The nephew is still a brat and the cat still bites. We go to bed. Tired and alive and thankful.

Back to the present: Hurricane Lee is barreling in our general direction. We are, once again, tiny specks on Mother Nature's hiney. May the gays, feminists and pagans be merciful upon us.

Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Let’s Check the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board

As we do every few weeks or so, let’s check in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians—and their furry friends—affected by Russia’s daily war crimes. As of this morning, you’ve contributed:


If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will guide you through the rest.

Despite the perpetual whining of the armchair generals, Ukraine’s military continues sticking to the plan, making progress with creativity, tenacity, and a kind of get-off-my-lawnism that Putin’s goons will never figure out how to overcome. Many thanks for your continued support of the civilians keeping things as normal as possible on the home front. It all helps.

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 12, 2023

Note: Our food service vendor has informed us that the yogurt served in the C&J cafeteria on yesterday contained live active cultures that, instead of aiding digestive health, actually cause painful facial disfigurement and a significant loss in monthly revenue.  We regret the inconvenience.


By the Numbers:

5 days!!!

Days 'til the start of Rosh Hashanah: 3

Days 'til the annual Wild Rice Festival in Roseville, Minnesota: 5

Rate of apartment rent increases in August 2022: 11%

Rate of apartment rent increases in August of 2023: 0.28%

Number of millionaires and large business partnerships, respectively, being pursued by the IRS for past-due taxes: 1,600 / 75

Percent of their income the top 1% of U.S. earners failed to report in 2021, according to IRS researchers: 20%

Date on which my evil twin came out of the shadows and wrote a GBCW diary: 9/12/13


Puppy Pic of the Day: Nemo helps Tiny Tim…


JEERS to reapin' what ye sowed. We knew this shit was goin' down—knew it for many decades—and the people in charge just kept looking the other way. And here we are, living now on what feels like a different and dystopian planet that has just begun taking its revenge on us. The bill is literally coming due and humanity's gonna pay:

With four months still left in the year, the US has been hit with 23 disasters that each cost at least $1 billion, according to new data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, surpassing the previous annual record of 22 events in 2020.

Meanwhile, hurricane Lee is getting too close to C&J HQ for comfort.

This year’s billion-dollar disasters have caused 253 direct and indirect fatalities and have resulted in $57.6 billion in damage, NOAA data shows. That price tag does not yet include Hurricane Idalia. […]

The impact of extreme weather is being amplified by decisions to build and rebuild in high-risk areas, and the events themselves are being supercharged by the climate crisis, said Rachel Cleetus, a policy director at the Union of Concerned Scientists. “These record-breaking and sobering numbers are the latest confirmation of a worsening trend in costly disasters, many of which bear the fingerprints of climate change,” Cleetus told CNN. 

Anyone think this is gonna get better in our lifetimes? Me neither. But on the bright side, [Insert bright side here once one is found].  So go on out there and have a super duper day!

CHEERS to another feisty day in The Lege. Here's a partial transcript as yesterday's impeachment hearing for disgraced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is being charged with all kinds of crimey business, entered its second week:

"He's all hat and no cattle!"

   "Oh yeah? Well you ain't got the sense of a Sugar Land armadillo that fell down a well full o’ scorpions!"

"Oh yeah? I got six slugs in mah six-shooter that says you're fulla beans in a skillet over a campfire that got stamped out by a herd o' cattle in a rainstorm!"

Due to the sensitive nature of the hearings, additional security has been called in.

   "Oh yeah? Y'all couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn built outta planks cut up in a Nerf sawmill!"

"Oh yeah? This ain't my first rodeo outta the gate while it's rainin' frogs in a dust storm in the panhandle!"

   "Oh yeah? Remember the Alamo!"

"Oh yeah? You remember the Alamo! I'll remember faith and freedom and your mama, with whom I had sex last night with mah boots on!"

   "Oh yeah? Why, you couldn't lasso your tallywacker if I gave ya a hundred tries!"


   "Y'all y'all barbeque!"

[Plaster rains from the ceiling as all the legislators start shooting their guns in the air]

The hearings continue this morning. As a special treat, the attendees will be treated to a buffet of ribs and fracking fluid.

JEERS to the human snot rag.  Lest we forget, a 12 years ago this week Newton Leroy Gingrich put on a display of the class and charm that makes him one of America's most admired leaders since, oh, the First of Never. See if you can detect the subtle undertones in his pronouncement...

"What if [President Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?" Gingrich asks.

Newt Gingrich: giant asshole since 1943.

"This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works, who happened to have played a wonderful con, as a result of which he is now president," Gingrich tells us.

I'm still shocked that Trump didn’t make Newt his Secretary of Racism. Such a natural. Then again, I understand why he didn’t—he would’ve made Stephen Miller jealous.




Deeply obsessed with this tiny Irish child’s trolley problem joke

— c e aubin? 🍯 (@ceaubin) September 8, 2023




CHEERS to that little nip in the air.  I'm told that fall is on our doorstep (11 days and counting, not that we're counting), although it's a bit hard to believe after last week's 80-plus days (145 with the heat-index thrown in) melted our collective brains and popsicles.

“Soon, my children. Soon.”

But, no matter—the future-tellers from the 229-year-old Old Farmer's Almanac trotted out their latest meteorological predictions this month. Having read the moss on the bark, the fuzz on the caterpillars, the chicken bones in the wooden bowl, and the sound of our neighbor Mrs. McGillicutty's creaky knee on her front porch, the old farmer predicts that the entire country will have a winter season starting two-thirds of the way through December and ending roughly ten days before the end of March. I'm as skeptical as anyone, but they’re the experts.

CHEERS to the new talkie machine on the block. For just $799—plus tax, title, licensing fee, twenty-year wireless contract, first-born child, and $50 extra for rust-proofing and mud flaps—you can have an iPhone 15 of your very own. The latest model gets unveiled today by executives in turtlenecks taking turns walking around a stage muttering, "Hmm, that's weird—it worked fine in rehearsal" to wild distorted cheers and applause from their millions of fans. Here are some exciting features in the new model:

» 34xT569yu to replace the 34xT569yt

» 56907bit656789

» Ice cream maker

Exclusive look at the iPhone 15, debuting today.

» Hurricane shifter

» fRPohtRtEty technology

» 18 cameras with free starter pack of flash bulbs

» Fully dockable with the International Space Station

» Bionic arm that can whip a peach pit with 100% accuracy from 80 yards

» Optional 23iTT59097 pack to enhance the 34xT569yu  (But don’t use it to enhance your 5675jg77 or the room's gonna get real smoky real fast.)

» Butt-ID unlocking feature

» Manufactured with new and improved Chinese child labor

» Tim Cook will have a drone come to your house and deliver a pot pie he made himself with his own two hands and lots of love

Sadly, no room in it for a phone.


Ten years ago in C&J: September 12, 2013

JEERS to the return of the nasty people.  After loading up on vegemite sandwiches and traveling to the polls in a fried-out Kombi, Australians voted for whatever they vote for over there.  (Probably a kangaroo court—ha ha!)  Now they have a new leader, and I'm sure you want to know, "Who can it be now?"  Sadly it's a conservative.  So get ready for nice and sensible things to be taken away from you, Down Underers.  Because if it's one thing we all know, no matter what hemisphere you're in, conservatives always like to move in a counterclockwise direction.


And just one more…

CHEERS to making your mark making your mark making your mark. Sad news from across the pond, as one of the most interesting scientists ever to walk the planet has passed on:

Ian Wilmut, the cloning pioneer whose work was critical to the creation of Dolly the Sheep in 1996, has died, the University of Edinburgh in Scotland said Monday. He was 79.

Wilmut set off a global discussion about the ethics of cloning when he announced that his team at the university’s Roslin Institute for animal biosciences had cloned Dolly using the nucleus of a cell from an adult sheep.

It marked the first time that a genetically identical mammal was created from an adult cell and spurred questions about the potential cloning of humans.

C&J sends our condolences to his extended family members Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, and Ian Wilmut.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial

CNN Reports ‘Cheering and Chanting’ For Bill in Portland Maine—Despite BiPM Being Jeered in the Kiddie Pool By His Own Boosters



Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Today’s C&J is brought to you by the number…

Can you say “twenty-two”? Good. Very good.

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 6, 2023

Note: Newsrooms across America report a shortage of films at 11. Film at 11. Maybe.


By the Numbers:

7 days!!!

Days 'til autumn: 17

Days 'til the 57th Morton Pumpkin Festival in Illinois: 7

Year-over-year drop in lumber prices: -14%

Number of rain days in Portland, Maine during our meteorological summer (June through August): 46

Number of times the temperature in Portland hit 90 this summer: 0

Reported incidents of unruly passengers (mostly narcissistic, drunk MAGA assholes probably) on flights last summer and this summer, respectively, according to the FAA: 586 / 747

Percent chance that Trump's Fulton County trial will be televised: 100%


Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 3 supernatural events and 1 clown barber for Christ). Soul Protection Factor 18 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.


Puppy Pic of the Day: Adapting to playtime…


JEERS to the return of the do-nothings.  That stench you smelled yesterday was Congress ramping up for another stretch of incompetence, intransigence and invective.  Among the things they're not expected to get done: all the things they say they're expecting to get done.

CHEERS to a feisty day in The Lege. Here's a partial transcript of yesterday's opening impeachment hearing for disgraced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is being charged with all kinds of crimey business:

"Y'all y'all y'all!"

    "Well, y'all y'all y'all!"

"Barbeque barbeque barbeque!"

Chaplain of the the Texas legislature

    "Oh yeah?!! Well, remember the Alamo, y'all!"

"Y'all y'all y'all Sam Houston Lone Star cattle rustlin'!"

    "Stetson armadillo, y'all! And another thing: Tumbleweeds barbeque, y'all!"

"Cowboy boots! Shit kickers! Waffle stompers! And boot scoot boogie, y’all!"

    "Well, yeehaw, y'all! Ropin' and ridin' them doggies, cowboy!!!"

"Walker Texas Ranger y'all! Yeeeeeeeeee-haw!!!"

   "Oil, y'all! Black gold! Texas tea!”

[Plaster rains from the ceiling as all the legislators start shooting their guns in the air]

The hearings will continue this morning just as soon as the GOP legislators are cut loose from their bonds in their billionaire benefactors' S&M dungeons.

TALLY HO! to remembering a literal moment in time. One year ago today the British Empire, which now consists of England, Wales, Stonehenge, parts of Ireland, the cat in front of 10 Downing Street and, representing Scotland, a giant plate of haggis, welcomed their new Tory prime minister to office. Her job: last longer than her failed Tory predecessor Boris Johnson. The new kid was Liz Truss

> 1996 graduate of Merton College in Oxford

Hello, you must be going.

> 1996-2005: worked for Shell Oil and Cable & Wireless.

> Won a seat in the House of Commons in 2010

> 2016-2022: served as Justice Secretary, Lord Chancellor, Secretary to the Treasury, International Trade Secretary, and Foreign Secretary.

> Wants Russia to be booted from Ukraine and knocked down to a lower peg economically.

> One CNN commentator described her as “a political chameleon who has gone from a radical who called for the abolition of the monarchy to a flag-bearer of the Euroskeptic right wing of the Conservative Party.”

> Technically a Christian, but sleeps in on Sunday morning.

Ol’ Liz lasted a whopping 44 days, and is now in the history books as the U.K. prime minister who served the shortest term. I’d wish her a happy anniversary, but apparently she sleeps in every morning now.




The call of a kookaburra.🔊 📽: San Diego

— Wonder of Science (@wonderofscience) September 3, 2023




CHEERS to picking up a House seat in 2024. Seems them 'Publicans down thar Alabama-way just ain't too bright—either that or what we have here is a failure to communicate. But maybe the third time's the charm, as another federal court has ordered the white supremacist party to allow Black Alabamans into the political system:

A federal court blocked a newly-drawn Alabama congressional map because it didn’t create a second majority-Black district, as the Supreme Court had ordered earlier this year.

This goes on the knee.

In a unanimous decision from a three-judge panel, which had overseen the case before it reached the Supreme Court, the judges wrote that they were “disturbed” by Alabama’s actions in the case.  “We are deeply troubled that the State enacted a map that the State readily admits does not provide the remedy we said federal law requires,” the judges, two of whom were appointed by former President Donald Trump, wrote.

So now it's up to a special master to redraw the districts. Memo to Alabama Democrats: if the special master turns out to be Governor Kay Ivey sporting glasses and a fake mustache, call the police and have 'em check for a body in her basement.

JEERS to today's lame game. The object is simple: guess which progressive Democrat(s) said these things about the 45th president's theft of classified documents from the United States government:

"Enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law."

"One of the first things we must do is to enforce all classification rules and to enforce all laws relating to the handling of classified information."

Pulled out of the Mar-A-Lago bathroom towel dispenser.

"Any government employee who engaged in this kind of behavior would be barred from handling classified information."

"That is the most confidential stuff. Classified. That's classified. You go to prison when you release stuff like that."

"Classified information; he should go to jail for that for many, many years."

"He must pay a very big price for this, as others have before him. This should never to happen again!!!"

Ha! Fooled ya!  Those were all said by the 45thpresident—a MAGA Republican—between 2016 and 2020. And you know what? I suggest we listen to him. That'll teach that evil, document-stealing 45th president to mess around with the no-nonsense, justice-dispensing 45th president.


Ten years ago in C&J: September 6, 2013

CHEERS to boldly going where no one has gone before (well, if you don't count the invisible pod people colonizing in Louie Gohmert's head).  The spacecraft Voyager 1, which was launched 36 years ago, is breaking up with us and leaving us for another solar system:

The plutonium-powered probe is more than 11 1/2 billion miles from the sun, cruising through what scientists call interstellar space — the vast, cold emptiness between the stars, the space agency said.

Even today it’s still sending signals to its home planet.

Voyager 1 actually made its exit more than a year ago, according to NASA. But it’s not as if there’s a dotted boundary line out there or a signpost, and it was not until recently that the space agency had the evidence to convince it of what an outside research team had claimed last month: that the spacecraft had finally plowed through the hot plasma bubble surrounding the planets and escaped the sun’s influence.

The split is amicable: we get to keep the photo album and it gets to keep the 8-track player.


And just one more…

CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. The new American Women Quarter is here! The new American Women Quarter is here!  Yes indeed, the latest in the series of U.S. quarters celebrating accomplished American women was released earlier this month, and this one comes to you from Texas starrrrrrrrrrring…..Jovita Idar!

Jovita Idar was a Mexican-American journalist, activist, teacher, and suffragist.

Striking design by U.S. Mint Artist John P. McGraw.

She made it her mission to pursue civil rights for Mexican Americans and believed education was the foundation for a better future. Idar wrote many news articles in various publications, speaking out about racism and supporting the revolution in Mexico. Throughout her life, Idar remained on the front lines of change and advocated fiercely for the rights of women and Mexican Americans.

The quarter depicts Jovita Idar with her hands clasped. Within her body are inscriptions representing some of her greatest accomplishments and the newspapers for which she wrote.

 The quarter is now in wide release everywhere but Texas. They’re still working on Governor Abbott’s mandate that each one be individually wrapped in razor wire.

Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial

"Why am I not surprised that Neal Katyal made it a priority to get to a neopagan ritual? Pray that these folks come to the light and realize that the only path is through and to the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. We are all fallen and need Bill in Portland Maine, and to repent as a Nation."

Jeff Clark